I am in serious shit, guys.

Ok. I post on an inspirational whim. Explanation: I only post when I feel a strong desire to express. (Luckily for me that happens a lot) Now, let me tell you what I was just doing that caused this stir of emotion and bodily need to eject such feelings…

I logged onto facebook. Without thinking immediately went to Colin’s page and started looking at pictures of him.

Cue screaming face.



This crush mania is seriously the dumbest thing that can ever happen to a girl. Why do you become this love sick crazy person! Seriously, I am embarrassed for myself. And as much as I try I cannot dismiss this stupid feeling I get in my tummy around him.

Yeah yeah, I know: “Tyler, I thought you were over this guy?” Well, I was….sort of………on my way. But then yesterday happened…

Thursday was a normal work day; it was snowy so I wore my least attractive, warm and sturdy winter boots (I’m talking old man work boot), jeans, one of my new shirts from old navy that I got last time I was in sj and hair popped up in a faux hawk on top with the rest down straight. Wasn’t an especially exciting day, and I certainly wasn’t expecting anything exciting to happen.

So 4 o’clock rolls around and me and Marc Robby, the guy Colin goes to school and carpools to work with, are the only people left in the trailer. We are just chatting and all of a sudden Col’s phone rings. Then his cell phone rings. Rob, who’s known colin for awhile, jokes about how it must be colins crazy gf calling. (This would be the crazy who writes extremely sickening msgs all over his fb page) Then Rob actually walks over, opens the cell and slams it shut, hanging up on her, laughing his butt off! Since the can of worms is open, I prod him for a little info on the two. I learn that she’s crazy basically (which I already knew) and that Rob doesn’t like her much. Our convo turns to high school sports.

Colin strides in the trailer and Rob promptly announces: “You’re gf was calling you, we did a little dance (hums ring tone)”

Meanwhile Colin is hiding behind his desk out of sight, but jokingly says: “yeah, my gf, named Brendon”. Apparently, it wasn’t her.

Anyways, Rob and I continue to talk a bit then I go back to my desk and Rob goes out, leaving us alone in the trailer. Colin saunters over and is like “Oh now that I want to talk you guys are done?” and he sits down across from my desk. Puts my jump drive lanyard around his neck and picks up my pen saying he’s gonna steal it. Little flirtations ensue. Then he’s got my iPod and he’s like ooo emails. Well, I’ve got things in my email I don’t want him to see so I run over to get it back from him, and he jokes, “What? Got an email from your boyfriend in there?” Being casually cool, I’m like “Speaking of boyfriends, how is Colleen?”

Surprisingly, he actually, kind of, in his Colin-like way, starts talking about it. Now remember, gentle viewers, me and Colin speak in avoidance of ever actually admitting that we like each other in any way. This is just our way. We say everything we need to in subtle glances and innuendoes. At the moment, he looks…pained and sorry. He begins to tell me how it’s hard because they have always been friends with the same group of people, and everyone in it knows the dating situations of the others and it’s just the norm (this makes good sense and i had previously come to this conclusion myself, since they've known eachother since gr 10). How he doesn’t like her anymore and hasn’t for a long time but doesn’t want to break her heart. I say I don’t think it’s just about her heart, but he only shakes his head. Then I say that she’s also convenient. At first he says no, it’s not that, but then kind of nods his head and agrees. He then looks at me and says he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. (That would be pointed at me, I imagine…o ho hum.) In the spirit of me, I try to keep things light by pointing out that when he gets that booty call at 2:30am, it probably doesn’t hurt to have her around either. But, he says that no, he doesn’t do that. (Boy lies! Lol and why is he being so serious when I am clearly trying to keep up our normal joking/sarcasm filled discourse.) All of a sudden he comes out and says, “You are obviously way cooler.”, which translates to my brain as, I want to be with you, but the situation is fucked and I’m really a softy coward who is terrified by any kind of conflict so I would never break it off completely with Colleen. Still, this conversation is enough to fan the flickering flames.

Realizing that it’s 4:28 and almost time for my carpool to pick me up, I hurriedly put on my coat and scarf, still chatting with Colin. He asks me when the next time I’m staying in SJ is. Speaking of staying in sj, I tell him how my carpool should have stayed Wednesday night because the storm was awful on the drive home. I ask him if next time it happens if I can stay at his house for the night. He nods and says yes, and he’s still being all serious. I ask him if he’s getting me a Christmas present and he finally cracks up saying, why are you getting me one? I tell him yes, and then go on to say that I’m actually getting one for everyone in the office so he shouldn’t feel special: card and candy cane combo. He says maybe his will be special…that maybe I’ll stick a Hersey’s kiss just in his. (Puke!!! So cheesy reading it now, but totally made me all smiles at the time) I gather my stuff and walk by him. He’s leaning on the desk across from mine, and as I walk by, without thinking, I brush my palm over his upper thigh, not looking at him, and not stopping walking. First work contact…:)

All smiles…sigh. Tis the season for girls to be silly.



Until the next chapter of me and C.