Monday, February 27, 2012

Five by Five

I adore these bottles. I would like to design a room around them.

I just, need your hair.


These. I could fly in these.

You must watch her. She. Kills. Me.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Uncomfortable Situations

Awkward. Uncomfortable. Frightening. Anxious. Get me the fuck outta there.

My body physically rejects this environment. You know when you keep telling yourself to relax and be calm because this is no big deal and there is really nothing to fear and, Come on, Tyler, look at the big picture of things. Whether it be for a job interview, a presentation, a social call, dating or just being asked a question from a professional. I am chilled to the bone.

I freeze. I cramp up. I go blank and my eyes widen with anxiety. It's almost like you can feel the signals spreading out from your brain to each corner of your body telling it to lock up tight and prepare for deadly impact. Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass GOODBYE!

Situation: Dining out with a group of people only one of which was my close friend. This led to me sitting across from someone I don't know forcing awkward conversation while desperately trying to not grab my cell phone to text someone who can calm me in my discomfort, ONLY to fail, clutch my phone and then be called out for 'texting all night' by another pseudo friend/dining mate.

Super. Thank you for pointing out the extreme awkwardness that is me and making me out to look like a total bitch. Could have lived without that.


This doesn't happen to me often so when it strikes it is all the more sickening. As I get older and am put into more situations with professionals and strangers the occurances are becoming to me more noticeable. I've concluded that my defence to these feelings is extreme defensiveness. I'm a stubborn ass on the best of days but I can also be a bitch if I so choose to release. I replace my eye balls with daggers and can no longer distinguish sarcasm from reality, therefore most anything the individuals surrounding me say I take directly to heart.

When I get in this catatonic state of rigidity, it is almost impossible for me to relax/return to normal and 9 times out of 10 I will either fall apart crying or bail, bail, BAIL! (both of which I have done)

The worst part is, as you struggle to keep it together and appear as if all is well, someone notices your red-face, raised eyebrows or frozen-in-place fake smile and asks "What is wrong?"

What do you say? I am having an irrational anxiety attack and have been restraining myself from fleeing the scene at a literal run?

Unfortunately, regardless of how true this is as a response, it is never an acceptable answer to give.

Deal with it. Move on. Get over it. Be normal. Why can't you just be like your supposed to be? Forget about it. Stop being a downer. Why did you come if you were just going to be cranky?

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

The problem is I can't...seem to. For any situation. How do you deal?

What do I do?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Oh my god. With that title, I have tooooo many jokes.

First question: WHAT is Lent???

Answer: youtube

Fell asleep around 0:26 seconds. Tuned back in around "Still, darkened valley.."

This sounds horrible!! Attempt #2.


And finally because this one looks promising...

Don't bother watching, it is too long. Summary: So, Jesus needs a vaca, goes for a hike in the dessert (bad hiking choice), prays, climbs a mountain, sits in the mountain and is really really happy about it, prays some more, there's animals involved, he chases them, then gets depressed, contemplates the full moon, watches rain fall, drinks the water, experiences new life in the desert, almost dies from exhaustion (told you, dessert, baaad choice), follows a snake into a cave, angels descend and talk to him, jesus experiences a vision of himself only to reject him and instead prepares to die. Eventually the angels drag jesus's dying body back to town. Somewhere in all that he is tempted by Satan and resists him but that's only a minor part, right? Oh ya, and guess how long he was out there - BINGO 40 Days!

Ok whatever enough I guess I'm just going to do it.

What I am giving up for LENT: Probably one of my favorite things in the world.

drum roll please.

I'm already depressed.

40 whole when can I start eating meat again? OH SHIT IT'S 46 DAYS WHATTHEFACK! Feb 22 to April 7th...gaah. It will be the Day of Meat.

This is never going to happen. Never ever, ever. Please start taking bets on me now, how many days I will last. PS Today officially doesn't count because I already packed my lunch before I decided I was giving up meat. It's chicken. All chicken. Ha! Also I was told Lent was 40 days, NOT 46. They're lucky I'm not taking SIX cheat days.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

iTunes hates me

Does anyone else have extreme trouble with iTunes?

Currently my shit list includes:

  • Won't properly download the new version. Fails, EVERY TIME.

  • If a song does not have a proper album cover my iPod is currently shows a (rather creepy) photo of the lead singer of Lights (?) in it's place. Could you get anymore random. No, iPod. That is not the cover of Flo Rida's new whip.

  • Points for use of the word "whip"...even though it didn't really work.
I am not a music 'connoisseur' (according to the definition I just read while googling how to spell connoisseur) so when my Music list surpasses 1000 songs it's kind of a big deal. Currently I am at 1471. That's approximately 471 songs more than I am comfortable with.

Solution: play your iTunes list, scrub out songs you don't like/why the HELL did you even download them in the first place. Oh ya, cuz they were free. (Thank you, KaZaa! You all remember that...right? I'm too old..)

Uh...where was I? Oh YA. What I found out is that 90% of the time I have downloaded the exact same song. Sometimes up to 4 times! Did I really need to download Taylor Swift - White Horse SIX TIMES.


So now I spend my free time listening to the shitty shit shit that I downloaded onto my iTunes. Whoop for me.

Good day all! and Wish me luck with this endeavour.

Friday, February 10, 2012

My new favorite social media

Ya man. The best social media in the land. It has become my new favorite. PS you can follow my tweets HERE!

Reasons why it is awesome:

  • You can creep on your favorite celebrities and it is not from a gossip mag, it is legit because it is actually them. You can actually (almost!) get to know them. It's (almost!) like you're friends! (I have been replied to by atleast THREE B-level actors. Booyah motha fucka. I'd be lying if I didn't go *SQWEEE!* when it happened.) They post real-time personal pictures of what they're doing and everything. It is the ultimate, up-to-date creep.

  • You can unfollow annoying people really easily. If they follow you, your tweets will still appear on their newsfeed so they can't really tell that you deleted them unless they really search through their list for you. It's (almost!) guilt-free!

  • It's convenient because I can read it anytime from my IPOD TOUCH (or iPhone if that's your thang). Great to keep me entertained in class when I'm supposed to be paying attention.

  • You get to post senseless meaningless things that you never did before! It's like everything you ever wanted to put in your facebook status but didn't because you would have to hang your head in Charlie Brown-esk shame. FREEDOM AT LAST!

Pretty much sums it up. Follow me bitches. Get it. Now.

Monday, February 6, 2012

It's time to breakup

I have been a professional relationship watcher for about 2 years now. And let me tell you, I am getting pretttttty good. I pride myself on being able to look at both sides unbiased and come to simple conclusions as to whether I think a couple will last or should seriously just break up.


Let me tell you I've now had a first hand experience. I have realized I am unhappy in my own relationship. There. I said it.

Mom, Dad, I love you. But we have to break up.

I was looking in my mirror and thinking to myself and the thought just kind of exploded in my mind. Like, I knew it was there all along, but it kind of hid in the back and never drew attention to itself so I never noticed it before. I just thought, this is what it must feel like when someone in a long term relationship realizes they're no longer happy. And there it was, and I knew it was the truth.

I have lived at home for basically my entire life and am about 3 months away from graduating escaping University and my home town. It only makes sense that I lived at home through my expensive university degree since my house is about 15 minutes away from campus and both my sisters did the same before me BUT I am feeling the need to grab my gear and run as fast and as far away as I can. I am restless and unhappy with my familiar routine and have decided that I am ready to break out and begin a new adventure in life.

I want to learn, cry, love and f*ck my heart out, somewhere new and on my own terms.

...and to live.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Old School Memories...Literally.

After a 20 minute chat with an old friend I met in first year I can't help but reminisce earlier years.

I was once a daredevil. I find myself more and more introverted as the years pass keeping more to myself and my trusted group of friends.

Cue first year university. I walked into Engineering Orientation 6 years ago knowing no one. Did that stop me? HA.

I walked into the auditorium alone, looked around, spotted the best looking guy and settled down beside him. I introduced myself and began explaining how I knew no one and he was so nice. Not two minutes later, his 2 friends arrived to sit down with him. And I had made my first bunch of engineering friends.

Over the years we've been in each others classes (less in recent years as none were in electrical engineering). Probably my favorite memory was from Geology class. We were sitting in an auditorium and Keith fell asleep with his head on my shoulder. God love im. It was the cutest thing. All a blur of boat races, Dragon Ball Z, pizza, homework assignments, metal concerts and video games in residence. First Year university love.

6 years later, through piles of homework, stolen kisses in res doorways and growing up I can still call that boy I first talked to a good friend. It is a rare thing and I am really just so glad I was brave enough to make that move on my own and talk to someone.

Be brave. Don't hesitate. It's worth it.

From left to right, Keith (guitar), Stuart, Aaron, Carlos. My room first year.

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