My body physically rejects this environment. You know when you keep telling yourself to relax and be calm because this is no big deal and there is really nothing to fear and, Come on, Tyler, look at the big picture of things. Whether it be for a job interview, a presentation, a social call, dating or just being asked a question from a professional. I am chilled to the bone.
I freeze. I cramp up. I go blank and my eyes widen with anxiety. It's almost like you can feel the signals spreading out from your brain to each corner of your body telling it to lock up tight and prepare for deadly impact. Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass GOODBYE!
Situation: Dining out with a group of people only one of which was my close friend. This led to me sitting across from someone I don't know forcing awkward conversation while desperately trying to not grab my cell phone to text someone who can calm me in my discomfort, ONLY to fail, clutch my phone and then be called out for 'texting all night' by another pseudo friend/dining mate.
Super. Thank you for pointing out the extreme awkwardness that is me and making me out to look like a total bitch. Could have lived without that.
This doesn't happen to me often so when it strikes it is all the more sickening. As I get older and am put into more situations with professionals and strangers the occurances are becoming to me more noticeable. I've concluded that my defence to these feelings is extreme defensiveness. I'm a stubborn ass on the best of days but I can also be a bitch if I so choose to release. I replace my eye balls with daggers and can no longer distinguish sarcasm from reality, therefore most anything the individuals surrounding me say I take directly to heart.
When I get in this catatonic state of rigidity, it is almost impossible for me to relax/return to normal and 9 times out of 10 I will either fall apart crying or bail, bail, BAIL! (both of which I have done)
The worst part is, as you struggle to keep it together and appear as if all is well, someone notices your red-face, raised eyebrows or frozen-in-place fake smile and asks "What is wrong?"
What do you say? I am having an irrational anxiety attack and have been restraining myself from fleeing the scene at a literal run?
Unfortunately, regardless of how true this is as a response, it is never an acceptable answer to give.
Deal with it. Move on. Get over it. Be normal. Why can't you just be like your supposed to be? Forget about it. Stop being a downer. Why did you come if you were just going to be cranky?
Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
The problem is I can't...seem to. For any situation. How do you deal?
What do I do?