Friday, February 24, 2012

Uncomfortable Situations

Awkward. Uncomfortable. Frightening. Anxious. Get me the fuck outta there.

My body physically rejects this environment. You know when you keep telling yourself to relax and be calm because this is no big deal and there is really nothing to fear and, Come on, Tyler, look at the big picture of things. Whether it be for a job interview, a presentation, a social call, dating or just being asked a question from a professional. I am chilled to the bone.

I freeze. I cramp up. I go blank and my eyes widen with anxiety. It's almost like you can feel the signals spreading out from your brain to each corner of your body telling it to lock up tight and prepare for deadly impact. Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass GOODBYE!

Situation: Dining out with a group of people only one of which was my close friend. This led to me sitting across from someone I don't know forcing awkward conversation while desperately trying to not grab my cell phone to text someone who can calm me in my discomfort, ONLY to fail, clutch my phone and then be called out for 'texting all night' by another pseudo friend/dining mate.

Super. Thank you for pointing out the extreme awkwardness that is me and making me out to look like a total bitch. Could have lived without that.


This doesn't happen to me often so when it strikes it is all the more sickening. As I get older and am put into more situations with professionals and strangers the occurances are becoming to me more noticeable. I've concluded that my defence to these feelings is extreme defensiveness. I'm a stubborn ass on the best of days but I can also be a bitch if I so choose to release. I replace my eye balls with daggers and can no longer distinguish sarcasm from reality, therefore most anything the individuals surrounding me say I take directly to heart.

When I get in this catatonic state of rigidity, it is almost impossible for me to relax/return to normal and 9 times out of 10 I will either fall apart crying or bail, bail, BAIL! (both of which I have done)

The worst part is, as you struggle to keep it together and appear as if all is well, someone notices your red-face, raised eyebrows or frozen-in-place fake smile and asks "What is wrong?"

What do you say? I am having an irrational anxiety attack and have been restraining myself from fleeing the scene at a literal run?

Unfortunately, regardless of how true this is as a response, it is never an acceptable answer to give.

Deal with it. Move on. Get over it. Be normal. Why can't you just be like your supposed to be? Forget about it. Stop being a downer. Why did you come if you were just going to be cranky?

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

The problem is I can't...seem to. For any situation. How do you deal?

What do I do?


A girl in the world. said...

I don't have a lot of experience personally dealing with these feelings, but my mom gets crippling anxiety in social situations. I've had to physically lead her out of public places because she has panic attacks. She started a light prescription for anxiety meds, she only takes them when she feels herself starting to stiffen up. It makes a world of difference, and it's really improved her quality of life. I'm not saying I think you should medicate yourself (there is no one answer that works for everyone), but it's an option to think about.

Robyn M. said...

I love you!! The solution is : hang out with me more because you would therefore not need to be uncomfortable? :)

Miss Wendy said...

I have no advice sadly because I am the exact same way. I have panic attacks and it's hard to explain how it feels to someone who has never had one, so if I do have one in public I just come off as crazy. I'm getting to the point now though that I can control them better, and I also don't care what people think, so sometimes I will just tell them the truth. That I am freaking out for no apparent reason and I'm 2 seconds away from running out the door. People are pretty understanding I've come to find.


haha I just stop talking and start day dreaming. I wouldn't recommend it though, because then people think I don't find them interesting enough to pay attention to them, so it's not necessarily better hehe

When it's confrontational, I usually excuse myself and go to the bathroom to cry. Again, I wouldn't recommend it hahaha

If you ever find something that works, please let me know! lol

a. said...

I have anxiety all the time about unknown situations, i get nervous and freaked out before I even arrive, example the baby shower I recently went to and my wing friend couldnt attend so I knew only 2 people and got all worked up but once I got there it was no big deal. I also have some serious issues when I get a supply call for a new school I havent been to or for high school grades because Im not familiar and its never has bad as I work it up to be. Try to focus on talking to people and if they are boring leave and hang out with Robyn or me, haha

WhitneyA said...

Im the same way. It got worse when I stopped taking anti depressants but my tactic was to excuse myself and call or text either you or my mom. Sometimes hearing from someone who gets you even for a few minutes can calm you enough to finish the awkward situation until you can go home.

FashionistA said...

Think about Kittens. Kittens wearing funny outfits and little hats. Works every time.

FashionistA said...

have a random topic as your back up. my personal fave: "Who's your favorite super hero?"
gets people talking, diverts the awkward convo, and people actually get excited about that topic.

have more random questions as back up. or random facts. ex: blue eyes are not actually natural. They are a mutation. Fact!

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