courtesy of JB - awesome commerical!

bushit

can i get a tattoo that says "Tired of bullshit"...would that be too much? I'd like it on my wedding ring finger, for no particular reason other than that when i looked down at my hands that finger did the "I want it" dance and i thought, that's the one. why on my finger? because then i could give it to someone, of course (as in 'giving someone the finger'. Not as in 'chop off my finger, put it in a box'.)

i like tattoos. wish i was balsy enough to get one.

wish i was balsy enough to walk up to him and punch him in the face

or else throw my arms around his neck and start kissing him madly

depending entirely on my mood, of course, and sometimes the weather

fuck...Thursdays should probably be Fridays.

Alright, I’m giving it up. I’ve been sitting at my desk for about an hour and a half now and seriously, have read a few things and that’s about it. I am doing everything possible to avoid real work and the use of brain cells. Except that I want to be doing work. ? I keep saying, “OK! Let’s do something.” But I’m just not having it today…I keep playing with my hair and reapplying my lip gloss.

So what the hell, time for a blog. It’s been a while since a good decent one. Does anyone elses stomach make absurdly loud noise? Like it’s hungry and rumbling, but much worse. Mine does! But only at work, when I’m sitting in my chair. It just did it. It’s loud. It’s awkward. It happens too often….I’m just waiting for someone to be like, “is that you, Tyler?” :\

Annnnyways, Thursday already. This week has flown by.

Monday: Had to go to the mall to get shampoo, conditioner and foundation from Yves Rocher.

Tuesday: Stayed overnight in SJ at JB’s place. We watched the Olympic hockey game: Canada vs. Germany. Jen also gave me a cooking lesson, so maybe someday I’ll be able to put together a decent meal all by myself.

Wednesday: Wasn’t feeling well, and very tired. Did laundry and made hair clean and purdy. Watched as much of Canada vs. Russia as possible. Fell asleep with about 6 minutes left. Was supposed to go out and meet my good friend who’s visiting from Montreal, Andrew, to play pool but I would likely have slouched over the table and started snoring, cue in hand.

Thursday: Tonight is my promised Andrew rain check. We’ll figure something out. I also have a Sorority dinner tonight, the Big/Lil Sister Dinner! I don’t have a Lil this semester but I am still going to enjoy the company and celebrate new pledges. After this much excitement, I predict I will likely be dead-woman-walking.

Friday: I have to drive to work this day, so hopefully I will get sufficient sleep Thurs night to not pass out at the wheel and careen into the ditch along the highway. Following my trend of being extremely tired lately, I plan on staying in and not drinking this weekend, as I have for the past zillion. I need to save money and not be hungover. Also, I plan on forcing myself to the gym to get a personal trainer because I have discovered when it comes to working out I have the determination of….well…something that doesn’t have much determination.

Today I also feel like challenging myself. Go challenge :)

Uh, is anybody planning on working out this weekend? Please drag my sorry ass along..

baby if you strip you can get a tip cuz i like you just the way you are

Been awesome since my last post, will recap when work is not so insane! (LOOOOOOVE IT)

why isn't every version the radio edit? i felt the overwhelming desire to listen to this version. (it's my favorite)


Also, these need to be brought back.


what happened to this gal...cuz i miss her?

Happy Tuesday! <3

SUPER speedy post!

OK i know today is monday and therefore should automatically be a slacking day, cuz i mean come on it's monday, who really wants to work today? no one. Anywho, I have a ton of work to do in order to get a document out and approved by this Thursday, therefore this will be short and sweet and i will sadly have no time to read any of my usual blogs. Tear.

short and sweet, short and sweet, hmmm. ok let's start with the weekend. Great weekend. Had an...interesting night on Friday with my buddy Evan. We played pool, rented Whip It (amazing movie btw) and then ended up watching odd tv shows late into the night till i kicked his butt out...:) Saturday I went on a mini adventure, as co-pilot to JB: Moncton and costco! I got some sweet deals there, bought L.A. Candy, Lauren Conrad's book....it was cheap!!! I've already started it, lol. I also got an addidas tracket (jacket/sweater) for 19.97! Amazing, thank you whole sale. Sat night was the gold digger pubcrawl which was so much fun! so many people i love were there with smiles on their faces and wicked outfits on their asses! good night and good times.

ho hum...anything else? not so much, it's march break next week i realized. then i realized i dont get march break. fuck real life jobs. i am however getting a little treat this saturday, me and dad are going to check out a motorcycle i might be buying EEEEEK! here she is, what a beauty.

 

I've already named her, she will be Sheila, if she is to be mine. Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly....I always say! So cross your fingers.

This post was written in record time. PAYCE mo fos. And have a lovely monday.

I've also been watching the sex and the city seasons...this is from season 4: The episode when Samantha and Richard Wright are slow dancing on the rooftop, and Samantha finally gives in to love.

A silly little girl in a silly little world

Friday has finally arrived. Missing, however, is my usual sense of delight at the prospect of a weekend and freedom from work crap.


I am looking forward to the events of the weekend. I am just in one of those dull ass moods that sometimes interrupts my daily life.


Tonight I am hitting the town with my main man, Evan. And by main man, I mean good buddy...just in case anyone missed my previous posts concerning this gent. Thinking of playing some pool, maybe catch a movie, but all in all keeping it a pretty low key night in preparation for…….SATURDAYS PUBCRAWL! I ain’t sayin she a gold digger. I’ve been listening to that song constantly, and have watched the video a couple of times. I thought I might catch some inspiration from the ladies outfits, but really? They’re all wearing dresses cut down to bathing suits, tons of expensive bling, and have crazy fancy hair dos. Yeah, I will be rockin the tshirt, possibly rockin a sweet gold gansta chain if I can get my hands on a good one, and I’ll attempt to pimp up my hair as much as is humanly possible without making myself look like a buffoon. Oh yeah, and makeup…duh. But that’s just normal going out. OH I do have gold shoes…? Haha, I am weak I know. Will be hitting the predrinks hard at Whit’s apt beforehand….HOPE I WONT BE THE ONLY ONE, HINT HINT.


Oh fuck, Colin just got here and now I gots to pee. WHY does my body do this to me? Doesn’t it know any better! It seems every time he’s around I am physically drawn to him…STUPID HORMONES - TRY LISTENING TO MY BRAIN FOR ONCE.

PS my sister E just started a blog! YAY. please harrass her with many comments, she is sick funny. I love her attitude and outlook on life and you will too. also, if she is reading this, she should start following me (go to my blog, click on follow at the top left of the page) Once I get 20 followers, I will be doing my FIRST GIVEAWAY!!!! so follow on.


Ra ra. Ro ma ma. Roma. Ro ma ma.


Yupp, the song is still good.



Everyone have a swinging weekend. That’s an order!

50 books in one year throwback...

Doing a little update, since I wrote this blog post in Dec 2009.

Titles to be crossed off my list of 15, so far:
The Lovely Bones (didn't really like it, it was...ok...I found it a bit boring, probably wouldn't read it again. But I know lots and lots of people loove it. I am weird i guess.)
The Host (second time reading this book. LOVE it. might be one of my all time favorites. Might even be my favorite.)
I am still digging at The Time Traveler's Wife and Outlander, but meanwhile have also picked up The Giver and Skinny Bitch! Skinny Bitch seems like it's going to be good, so far I haven't been able to put it down.

Probably won't revisit this for another month or so...I'm a fucking slow reader.

911 Retail therapy

Good morning all my lovelies. Tuesday night Robyn took me on a mall adventure to catch some serious retail therapy. Boys suck! But luckily, gfs rule.

My ballin new wallet from Boathouse:

 

Me...on the phone with my big sister Britt, who's all the way in Alberta. GIRL TALK!

neeeeeeeeeeew sunnies. (cuz someone STOMPED my last pair :P)

My new plaid shirt! Which I am wearing today and adore.

Showing off my clean mirror. Oh, and my all around good mood. This is my "I'm sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone who cares" look.

All in all, love my girls. PAYCE.

SUUUUUUUUP!

Ok, let's begin my extreme blogging tirade with these gems, courtesy of JB (when she was extremely bored in class). Made me laugh....almost more then I could handle. Love to JB.

 

 

Haha, you da bomb JJ.

uh...you must click on this link

LINK!

ya, it's the Sex and the City 2 trailer...


Coincidentally, I am rewatching the seasons right now. On season 3. Love.

just for funzies.

COPIED from this lady.

If I were a month, I'd be May.
If I were a day of the week, I'd be Sunday.
If I were a time of day, I'd be 2:30pm.
If I were a planet, I'd be Jupiter.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be a cuttle fish.
If I were a direction, I'd be West.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a love seat.
If I were a liquid, I'd probably be bubbles, and you could buy me in $1 bottles from the dollar store for an afternoon of childlike excitement!
If I were a tree, I'd be the tallest, strongest tree in the forest.
If I were a tool, I'd be a power drill.
If I were a flower, I'd be a lotus.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be pouring rain.
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a tambourine.
If I were a colour, I'd be aqua/turquoise/sea green.
If I were an emotion, I'd be desire.
If I were a fruit, I'd be a slice of refreshing watermelon.
If I were a sound, I'd be a flock of birds wings flapping.
If I were an element, I'd be earth.
If I were a car, I'd be a motorcycle instead.
If I were a food, I'd be lays chips.
If I were a place, I'd be Sweden.
If I were a material, I'd be spandex.
If I were a taste, I'd be sickeningly sweet.
If I were a scent, I'd smell fresh, like soap, or tangerines.
If I were an object, I'd be a jewelry box.
If I were a body part, I'd be the eyes.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be a one sided mouth smile.
If I were a song I'd be perfect day - hoku
If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be sneakers bitch!

LOVE this.

Saw this on much more last night, some Tommy Lee special. I have always loved this song, and also Tommy Lee...



...Can't stop myself from laughing no matter how sad these things can be

Lock down

I have so much stuff to write about, so much has happened since Sunday. I just don't know if I can get the words out. It's not bad, but I don't yet know if it's good, either. Which is why I've been refraining from facing it, i.e. blogging about it. This is why I didn't blog yesterday, and Sunday's blogs were extreme filler.


So I'm writing this with grand effort...my chest is weighted down. Hope soon I'll feel comfortable enough to let myself lift it.

Last night I came home from work and had a lovely impromtu Wendy's dinner date with Miss Hutch! We chatted and it was perfect. After that I went to get my hair trimmed at the Head Shoppe. I loooove it there. The atmosphere is so easy going and my hairdresser Mandy always does a great job on me. My favorite part is the shampoo....mmmmmmmm head massage. I think I'm going to search out somewhere in Fredericton to get a decent massage. I've never had a professional one, but I think I would enjoy it. Anyone have any recommendations?

Also there was a GOLD OPI nail polish for sale at the counter. O. M. G. it would be perfect for this Friday's sorority pubcrawl: I Ain't Sayin She A Gold Digger! theme.....I suspect I may go back and get it. I need ideas on what to wear tho. I think I'm just going to watch the video and attempt to copy one of the ladies stylessss.

Well, not much to say I guess, tomorrow I'm working out of Fredericton which means I don't have to drive 3 hours in a car AND I get to sleep in past 4:30am. Bing!

Shout out to Tmo and M. MISS you ladies.

A Website

WEBSITE! this will be fairly familiar to most of you readers, but for those of you who don't know it, check it out yo.

Iota Beta Chi Sorority Website:
http://www.ibxbeta.com/

(see if you can find me! i'm in there a few times :P)

T's favorite tv show

FAVORITE tv show. Easy.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

When I was young I was utterly in love with Spike. I started by purchasing the seasons with him in them. Eventually I fell in love with all the characters, the stories, the emotions, the comedy, everything.

Honorable mentions:
Sex and the City
Firefly
Dollhouse
Lost
Californication
Sailor Moon

Heroes vs. Villains

Felt the need to immediately clear out that awful post below from my sights.

Finally Friday! Another long week at the ol’full time job. This week I’ve realized many things, good and bad. One of which is that freshly peeled oranges make me sneeze. Random...but true.

Last night I had a lovely lovely night with miss hutch. We went out to dinner at the Dip where we girl talked and gabbed till we could gab no more. Then we hit the superstore and bought ourselves individual desserts, because we wanted to. Mine, coincidently, was one of those individual birthday cakes you can buy from the bakery. It was SUPER AMAZING! So tasty, I love grocery store white pound cake and icing. NOM NOM. Hutch got this fancier Boston crème cake thing. We went back to her place and watched a little MTV Canada After show and ate until we were sick. I remembered I had said I would get Taylor a birthday cupcake and sing to him. Well, the leftovers from my mini b-day cake worked perfectly ;) Happy post-birthday, Mr. Lautner.


Tonight I am going on the Engineering Undergraduate Society “Super hero” pub crawl. We are getting capes instead of t-shirts to wear. I’m pretty excited, except I’m not sure whether I should dress up or not. Some people are getting serious costumes together…and I am running out of time. I also can’t decide whether I would want to be a hero or a villain? Something about villains is tempting, but then I feel like I want to be able to save people. Like a good villain? Troubled hero... Ha-ha. Who freakin knows. I think I’ll end up just making something up, like Super Glamazon Woman! All I know for certain is that there will most likely be black tights involved and copious amounts of Gold makeup.

a photo that makes T angry AND sad

well, might as well get this one out of the way...

Colin's current fb profile picture: him and the gf looking ridiculously couply and happy together..

This was taken over the Christmas holidays, possibly new years eve. DEPRESSING!


glad to get this ugly post off the list.

fail ?

I have most definitely failed at my “be cool around Colin” goal. Dammit. Let me explain…

Yesterday’s story:
I missed lunch doing frustrating work with my supervisor, so was heading to the cafe late and grumpy. I ran into him as I was going out the trailer door. He told me to wait for him so I did. We walked and talked, neither of us in particularly good moods, but still holding a comfortable conversation with each other, like we don’t need to fake anything anymore, or put in effort or pretend.

I was like we should just eat here, when we were walking out of the cafe with our food and he was like alright, let's do it. So we grabbed a corner table together. Again, neither of us particularly jolly or cheerful on this day: we talked about our stressful work lives and our regular lives. We talked about "what comes next" as I called it. It seems that the thing next for us would be to stay at a hotel. He said he’d be down with that, but for me I feel that whole situation would truly be taking, whatever it is we’re doing, to the next level, a wrong level…making everything official…a real, full on, premeditated affair.

Shudders

Changing the subject, I ask him if he's got any plans for the big Valentines Day. He says, for us? And I'm like no, no, no: for the gf, of course. He says no. His usual ramble begins. He starts talking about how he doesn’t like her, doesn't even get on with her anymore, and why doesn’t he just break up with her. I tell him I don’t want to think about her. That I prefer to pretend he doesn’t have her. He goes on into “I don’t know why I’m still dating her, it's just so comfortable, the situation.” I tell him sometimes I get stuck thinking about what kind of hang outs they have. If I knew, would I be jealous? Are they good? Is he lying to me? What are they like compared to ours… He tells me their nothing like ours, and if I think he’s having sexual relations with her as well I’m dead wrong. He’s said this all before, you’ve heard it. The difference today is that we're not having a fun flirty, child like conversation. We’re sitting there discussing like the adults we sometimes are, a more serious, this is life kind of talk.

He tells me: "yeah, but we should definitely have a full day and night kind of hangout soon." This makes me happy. I guess he might come up for Friday…I’m not holding my breath :) or anything.


Yesterday, he was just really sweet to me. Perfect, actually. Neither of us were behaving in an affairish, game playing, work-sex type way: just in a boy likes girl, girl like boy way. It has my heart feeling good. Too good. I think he is getting to me...in a deeper way then I ever planned to let. I’ve been thinking this a lot lately, but I usually just ignore it or force those thoughts to the back of my mind where they belong.

My head is swimming, literally. He just came over while I was typing this so I had to minimize it and then I had nothing to do. He borrowed my permanent marker and we just are sitting here making eyes at each other like buffoons in silence because our coworkers are sitting all around us.

I know this is what I didn’t want to happen because now I most definitely will get hurt, but love has nothing to do with logic, or timing, or circumstance. It’s purely emotional. We'll just see what happens now.


Yupp, guilty of being just another silly girl.

T's a fanatic

FYI i'm doing the days out of order.

OH TAY TAY! IT'S TAYLOR LAUTNER'S 18TH BIRTHDAY TODAY! leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegal, tender and fine. thank you Snow, for those powerful words.

yupp so, i don't know about you, but i'm probably going to celebrate by giving my rolling stone tay poster a lit cup cake and singing happy birthday to him in some scant pajamas...typical thursday night really.

Nom Nom!

  

 

one of my favorite scenes in new moon "i can't be friends with you anymore bella" THE PAINED LOOK ON HIS FACE, and the rain falling....SIGH.

 

Counting down until March 20th when New Moon is released on DVD. I know I'm a tool, but it's kind of fun getting fanatical about things...

A few other of my fanatical, if not embarrassing, obsessions: LOTR, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Elfquest graphic novels

T's favorite song

A couple days ago a posted Paper planes DFA remix by MIA. That is still one of my favorites, and an especially good tune to listen to if you're trying to mellow out, from work stress in particular.

Other favorites right now:

Crazy - KC and Jojo
If you had my love - jennifer lopez
anything blink 182
bulletproof - la roux
zero - yeah yeah yeahs.

no, none of these are particularly new songs...i am weird when it comes to music and like to jump to old favorites, from time to time, when im not feeling the 'countdown', or whatever new music tv and radio throws my way. this is one of those times.

i wanna do this too...for some reason

because i often live my life by going with my first instinct about things or following an urge, i am gonna do this too, in addition to my regular dribble and diary like entries. :D little bit o' Tyler insight for you all.

Day 1: My favorite song
Day 2: My favorite movie
Day 3: My favorite television program
Day 4: My favorite book
Day 5: My favorite quote
Day 6: My biggest pet peeve
Day 7: A photo that makes me happy
Day 8: A photo that makes me angry or sad
Day 9: A photo I took
Day 10: A photo of me taken over ten years ago
Day 11: A photo of me taken recently
Day 12: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 13: A fictional book
Day 14: A non-fictional book
Day 15: A fanatic
Day 16: A song that makes me cry
Day 17: An art piece
Day 18: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 19: A talent of mine
Day 20: A hobby of mine
Day 21: A recipe
Day 22: A website
Day 23: A YouTube video
Day 24: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 25: My day, in great detail
Day 26: My week, in great detail
Day 27: My month, in great detail
Day 28: My year, in great detail
Day 29: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: Whatever tickles my fancy

Tuesday is too early in the week for these kind of shenanigans

Well well ladies and gentlemen, the network is down therefore non of us over in the trailers have internet, access to our files or email! It has been down since I got here at 7:30am, and it is now 9:30am. We’ve exhausted all work appropriate topics of conversations and are now sitting in silence at our respectable desks. Highlight of my morning: Colin arriving 20 minutes ago. He was called away to talk to his sup a few minutes ago, so now I am really bored..

OK here’s the thing. Talking to JB yesterday, I decided I want to set a different type of Colin goal: to go a whole week without being inappropriate! That means no flirting at work, no getting ‘lunch’ together, no late night SJ hangouts. Usually all my efforts go in the opposite direction. So, basically my goal is to just treat and respect him like any of my other co-workers. Thought it might be interesting to see the effect it has on him (and on me).

So far so good! I have managed to rein myself in. I LOVE A GOOD CHALLENGE! He smells awfully good today though…

Last night I had a fun fun night playing pool with Evan. Totally got my ass kicked: Literally hit the 8 ball in by mistake at least 4 out of 6 games, therefore automatically losing. I have an 8/white ball problem: I hit them in more often then I get the others.

We left at about 9pm, but I insisted that he not take me home so absurdly early. We ended up driving around for 2 hours in his sweet black ranger truck sharing a 700ml Rockstar+Punch (my new favorite energy drink: tastes like Hawaiian punch aka nothing better). I think we really bonded during this time locked in his 2-seater, cruising wherever through town. All I will say, because I predict he might read this as he has admitted to reading my blog once before, is that he is still awesome in my books, if not more awesome then i found him previously.



1:52pm, the server has been back on for awhile now. I had an outside company rep come visit me on site this morning for one of the projects im working on, which was super exciting! i had to get them security cleared and everything, which was different. i ran into colin on my way back from the caf. he was really down so i stayed with him, like any friend would. definitely still sticking to my guns. he is still a good work buddy and always will be (unless he seriously pisses me off lol of course, but so far so good). i tried to cheer him up but he is still stressing out hard. we've got a group meeting in 5 minutes.....byyyye!

Energy drinks are GOLDEN.

I wanted today to be an upbeat day no matter what, so I decided that, from previous experience, I would treat myself to an Energy drink! To my delight, I am feeling wondrous! Cannot stop smiling. Today's drink of choice was a full throttle, cuz that's what was in my fridge. (PS I am drinking it out of my NEW travel mug...pink zebra stripes from Michaels. Whit, this is me finding an excuse to constantly use it, whoop!)

Nothing particularly exciting has happened today, EXCEPT my desk buddy MARC has come for one last visit before shipping out to New Zealand. I only caught him while he came in and I was chatting with my supervisor about diode logic or some such thing, and I am meeting with the Student partnership today for lunch at 12 so I hope he either finishes with my sup or stays until after lunch for some lovely chat and catch up time. He is da BOMB and i miss his presence beside me at work desperately.

Fun thing: Sunday I was asked to sub for an old high school friends volleyball team! They play in tier one of the "grown up" Fredericton co-ed league. I have been trying to get in on this league for a while, but it's not easy. They can only have a certain amount of teams and there are only 6 players to a team usually. I am still working on it, maybe someday! anyways, it was sooo fun!!!!! i got to play power and hit the ball and dig and serve and do everything i used to. HEART HEART HEART! I was all smiles the whole time. we played 5 sets and we won 3 to 2. I thought I would be so awful, I couldn't even find my knee pads BUT i definitely did them proud :D. I was very happy with how well I did, considering I haven't played indoor 6 on 6 structured volleyball since first year. hope they ask me to play for them again next time they are a player down :D :D

Tonight I plan on playing a few games of pool with my rad friend Evan, and possibly catching up on his 'girl' situations (one of our favorite topics). It's fun to have a guy friend that you are STRICTLY friends with. No friends with benefits, no weird flirting. Pure brotherly friendship. It's so refreshing. He's awesome.

Hope everyone's day goes as well as mine has so far! (Knock on Wood) And let's hope this energy drink high will last till 4pm...bahaha!

everyone needs to listen to this..

if possible, while doing a burn. (not my wording! lol. you know what i'm talking about jb.)

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GO TO BED EARLY ON FRIDAY

Weekend blogging! I can barely believe it myself. :D
Last night was lovely and calm. I didn't end up seeing miss whitney which deeply saddened me, but i got to share in the lovely company of miss hutch and her roommates.

we went to chapters and perused the literature and i got a nummy salted pretzel. Ps if you've ever been curious about whether a salted pretzel would still be tasty the next day after sitting overnight in your purse, let me assure you, it IS. whip it was all out at blockbuster so we chose the invention of lying instead. it was pretty good, but i think i really like it mainly because i LOVE ricky gervais.

after nearly passing out during the movie i headed home directly after it was over at about 8:45pm. even hutch commented how tired i looked. i was emotionally tired.

this has probably been one of the best but one of the most stressful weeks. it used to be i would blog about every little thing colin would do...now it's like, there's too much to even begin.

everything has changed since last friday. we email back and forth almost all day, and it is no longer subtle innuendos, but full on conversations. i find it so fun sneaking around our work trailers together, making sure no one gets suspicious of us. i went over to him one day and asked him if he could show me how to do something on his computer. he really didn't know how to do it, so i ended up pointing out what to do for him. he said i was doing a better job then he was, so i confessed in a whisper that i was lying, and i just wanted an excuse to come over. he then kissed me at his desk.

we hung out thursday, less then a week since last time we'd been together outside of work. much sooner then our usual month in between interludes.

he doesn't act weird or look at me guiltily anymore at work. he smiles at me every time he sees me. he's nicer and friendlier then he's ever been before. everything is great.

but

there is always a but...

we've sort of got to this...new boundary. thursday, he was supposed to come out after the movie and hang out. but neither of us knew where to go. he wouldn't come to the movie because he was paranoid he would be seen, even though there were 4 of us girls going and it would hardly look like a date. i guess his gf does know what i look like from deleting me from his facebook account numerous times. but i just can't see the big deal. i suggested we go to his house but he wouldn't. he told me he knew someone on the eastside would see them (apparently that is where everyone he knows lives, and they all talk). I think that is a bullshit excuse, but if he's not comfortable with it then that's fine. i know he is still worried deep down about his gf, but he won't say that directly to me. at this point the convo always gets awkward, i don't mention her, ever. i hate thinking about what i'm doing and what he is doing and what it really means that we are both doing this. then there is the want that creeps back in... he made a joke about us getting a hotel room. i told him non-jokingly i have seriously thought about that. he said so has he. then he starts saying this stupid line he loooves "let's just play it cool". oooo I DESPISE THIS. it is the only thing he does that seriously makes me angry. what does it even mean? fuck it pisses me off. i just want to go "FINE" and bolt from his truck. he says that i just need to wait a couple weeks and let him figure out life. he tells me he wants to come to fredericton this weekend, while i just tell him he never will. he promises. but he is a liar so this means nothing, right?

yesterday at work comes along, i ask him if he'd like to get lunch. he says of course, and asks me where i want to go. i tell him it depends on if he's willing to go offsite or not (aka, you know what would happen). he sends me back this: "it doesnt matter to me, but any food from the caf is probably better then anything you can get offsite, but it's up to u"

he knew what i meant but blew me off...or puts it in my hands to make the decision, like he might feel guilt free if it's me making that call. i choose the cafe. i almost tell him that i'd rather go alone, because at this moment i don't want to even look at him. but of course, that would make things maybe irreversibly wierd, so we go. he is just like he has been all week, so friendly and cheery. he tells me about last night and that he was sorry he didn't make it out and asked me if i had fun and everything i did. i am barely listening and responding with one or two words answers. i dont mean to give him the cold shoulder but i feel vulnerable at this moment.

he knows i am getting a drive home with brendon to fred at 330. right after lunch, about 130, he sends me an email that says "do you want to leave for fredericton now"

my mouth hits the floor, is he serious? i can hardly believe it. after blowing me off, now he wants to go to fred with me? which he has never done before... emailing back and forth, we eventually we get to the what would we do and where we would go questions. i say that we could probably go to my house. he says ohh i would have to meet the rents, im not down with that, will have to think on it. i ask him what he is down with and he replys that we should play it cool.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i could kill him. i avoid him as much as possible for the rest of the afternoon, but somehow i still run into him face to face and alone TWICE. both times i literally am getting away from him as fast as possible without running, dodging around him and not listening to what he's saying. he catches me right when i'm getting into brendons car, mumbles something about me texting him this weekend and he'll come up, but i am not listening at all and couldnt tell you what he really said if i wanted.

so this is where we are. so much has changed, by leaps and bounds since last friday. but here we are at another roadblock. we have no where to go to be together. nowhere is safe. nowhere is allowed. what we are doing is crashing down on us both. i said i would give it two weeks to see what is really going to happen. he's shortened my waiting time from 7 months to a few weeks for him to figure his business out. i dont know what to do other than just to keep going with the flow, not think and enjoy the good.


wow, i get so into the diary/story telling. back to normal posting: my sorority ladies are getting together today at 1pm at Lee's house to make some chocolate roses to sell for Valentine's Day! So excited to see my girls and get in the spirit. Now i think im going to run to the dollarama and buy some goodies to make homemade cards with :D:D and hit michaels to get some more necklace supplies to fill some orders! tonight is two of my friends birthdays! we'll see what pans out. hope everyone has a lovely lovely saturday :D

xoxo Tyler

girly times at Ridgemont High

Friday, finally Friday. What a week it has been, full of push and pull and yes’s and no’s. All I’ll say is boys frustrate me to no end. Colin is still figuring his shit out...which is fine. I want him to do what he wants. I don’t think I am patient enough for this though; I’m just constantly looking forward to my Yoga class so I can de-stress. He needs to figure out what he really wants.

Last night I stayed in SJ with JB. Got a drive from work with doughhead (first time for me in his truck, fairly exciting). We went home via some back roads and parked and chatted for about an hour and a half. When he dropped me off, I was greeted with a delicious dinner made by Jen herself. Soooo good, JB. You kick my ass at cooking anytime. I didn’t think I would ever like asparagus...

We hung out with her cousin and cousin’s friend and went to see Avatar! It was my second time and seemed a little more drawn out then the first time I saw it, but still really good. Then me and JB returned to her house, I took a much needed shower and some detox time, and then we watched ferris bueller’s day off till we fell asleep. All in all, good chill girly night.

So back to its Friday! For once I have no solid plans for my Friday and Saturday nights. It’s kind of relaxing and relieving. Two of my friends are having b-day parties on Sat but I might be a hermit and take some me time. Tonight I am hoping to get in some quality Whitney-Tyler time; that always cheers me up. Hoping to watch Whip It, I hear it is amazing! Get some healthy junk food snacks and just lay around in sweatpants and a hoodie, preferably with an oversized blanket wrapped around me like a cocoon.

So, ho hum. Here I go back to work…trying not to fall asleep...or be snippy with C.

xoxo

The Finches

mmmmmm liking them a lot...remind me of summer evenings, swinging on a porch swing with your love.

Hot dog comparison: Results!

Got home from work last night, mouth watering, pumped to cook my hot dogs! In walks my momma to the kitchen, plunks down in a chair and begins whining about her day waah waah, and my dad and stuff lol. I love her. Then she asks "can I ask why you bought so much processed meat?"

I tell her about yesterdays cravings. She proceeds to lecture me about how awful all those things are for me. Then she’s like, “you better make some for your father, and for me…” Hahaha! She always makes me laugh. We get all the fixin’s ready together and enjoy a delicious feast when they’re done, both standing there in the kitchen with full mouths saying MMMMMMMMMMMMMM like nobodies business.



Results:
Meat – of course these were delicious, I knew they would be. But at 14g of fat a piece and whatever large amount of calories (I could probably eat 3 if I tried really hard) they are way too fattening. I’d rather eat at McDonalds; it would probably be about the same.

Meatless – surprisingly good! The color was a bit odd, but that may be my fault cuz I boiled them too long according to my mom: they’re this brown green color, and they get darker when cooked. Weird! They are also a lot thinner then the meat ones, but they grew longer while cooking (it was kinda creepy…I go to take them out and am just like HOLY CRAP!) I fit two into my giant bun and threw on all the same fixin’s as the Meat dog. Yum! It was pretty tasty. It definitely had a different taste then the meat ones, but I find every hot dog brand tastes different anyways. They did get cold very fast, faster then the meat dog did, and they were kind of gross when cold. On the plus side they are only 5g of fat each! So, I could eat 3 meatless for 1 meat.

Needless to say, I’ve had my hot dog fix for awhile. I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of the giant packs…freeze them until next time I suppose.



Next comparison: Chili!

Foolish Friday - Part 2

Friday dawns. I am strong and independent. I arrive to training.
Before it begins I am sitting with Brendon in our back row seats and Col saunters up. I am sitting chatting with B with my hand gently supporting my chin and dawning a white hooded sweater from the boys section of West 49 (it was really cold..) Calm and relaxed as Colin begins a casual convo with B, asking him about his drive and other things. I am pleasantly averting my eyes, but then C addresses me directly.

He comments on the fact that I brought my own car to work. Asks me how my carpool was that morning. I say I didn’t drive with them today. He asks why? Am I going somewhere tonight? I am being backed into a corner, and begrudgingly say that I plan on going to SJ for the night and Moncton the next.

Thoughts running through my mind at this time: he clearly already knew that I was going to be in SJ, aka Jen told Murph and Murph told him, and he was just confirming, I think he’s surprised I didn’t tell him myself earlier, and I know that he wants to hang out tonight, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought it up.

During the first break nothing more exciting happens then that he is completely 180 degreed it and is now always standing near me, chatting and flirting like nothing.

At this point I am still in no go zone. I will not be the one to tell him where I am going or ask him what he is doing, etc etc.; I am still trying to be super tough.

At lunch I yell for him to bring me cookies back from the caf when he goes. Later I walk by him, he is outside in the smoke hut and it is freezing so I just walk by him asking quickly if he got my cookies. He says “I’ve got them right here” and when I don’t stop but keep walking by, he hollers at me “I’ve got them right here!”.

I turn around and just say, “I know you’re lying!” but walk back to him anyways and shelter myself in the hut with him. Of course he doesn’t have them but he does have a Nutrigrain bar, which I steal! Yum! Then he starts prying more info out of me…asking me where I plan on going that night and who I’m going with. At first I say I don’t know. He waits, and so to avoid awkwardness I tell him. If he knew I was going to be in SJ from Jen then he also knows where we’re going anyways. I still am not bothering to ask what his plans are…

At 4pm training is done and everyone is going home. I am probably the slowest person at getting ready, so here I am packing my bag still and everyone else is gone. Everyone except Colin, that is. He is standing in our little trailer hallway looking at the door with his coat on, but not moving. It’s as if he is waiting to walk out with me, but this has never happened before…. He’s never stood and waited for me, but I guess we’ve never been alone in a situation like this. I glance over to him and, trying to not make things awkward, call him over. He is very somber, and I feel the need to lighten the atmosphere so I start chatting. (Why am I so slow at packing??) I break down and I ask him what his plans are for the weekend. He says he doesn’t have any. So of course, I cannot resist saying quietly, “You can come hang out with us, you know.” He says he could do that, yeah.

Finally I’m done, and we head out. He says have a good weekend and I say, you too! His truck is parked beside mine. He gets in turns it on, but doesn’t drive away. Meanwhile, I am putting my bag in the trunk, getting in the drivers seat and fiddling with my iPod. Plugging it into the dash and choosing a play list. He is still sitting there. He is not looking at me, but straight ahead, like he is thinking, and he has the same somber look on his face. Then I realize I need 50 cents for the toll bridge off the highway into SJ (shit!) so I have to turn my car off, get out, go to the trunk and get my wallet. I get back in the car, find 50 cents, fiddle with my music again, and he is STILL sitting there with the same look on his face. I cannot just drive away, that would be weird I feel. So I wave, and wait till he looks and then give him my coolest Tyler peace sign ever (lol…tool!) and drive away. He follows. A few cars separate us along the back road, and I lose sight of him. He never passes me on the way to SJ, which is strange because he is such a fast driver normally. I think nothing of it; maybe he’s just freaking and doesn’t want to drive by me. Who knows?

I get to Jens soon after and we do our thang. Bells can’t make it so it’s just me and her and we can’t decide whether we still want to go out just the two of us. I am relaying the tale of the day to Jen, laying face down on her bed and holding her cuddly sock monkey while she gets ready. It’s awful, but all I want to do is text him. ARRRRGH, how do boys do this to us?

I restrain. At 6:30 my restraint is rewarded. I notice my phone is blinking. I have a message. Freaking I grab my phone to check it…

It’s from Colin! I am yelling for Jen, thrusting the phone in her hand, smiling ear to ear!

What are you up to on this fine evening

Just getting ready to go out to dinner, wanna join?

No sorry just finished bbqin at murphys what r u up to when ur done eating

Um coming back here for some drinks and maybe going out, what are your guys plans

Going with the flow havin a few drinks text it up when ur done eating stop by if its cool with you

Sounds good

Baaaah, let the girly spasm begin! He is coming over!!!!

So me and JB go to dinner and then back home and get ready a bit. The boys, Colin and Murph, come around 10:30 and the night is, the night. We have a hilarious time watching Pineapple Express and Dave Chappelle on youtube, drinking and talking.

Immediately, his hand is on my thigh as we sit together. It seems like déjà vu, but everything is backwards. Last time we were in this situation, I was the love sick puppy who was making all the plans and the moves. This time it is all Colin, and he’s the one starring at me with those big brown eyes instead of the other way around. I can’t help but be taken with him; he is all I want in that moment.

As much as I don’t want to say it, things feel different this night. (Knock on wood) Like maybe he’s starting to figure some things out, or trying to anyways. Before he leaves, he looks at me and says, “I like you…I like you.” As if he is having an epiphany. He tells me repeatedly how amazing and awesome I am (which are his favorite descriptive words, he’s so cute).

After he leaves, I find his work badge on the floor. Thinking he’s probably had enough and won’t bother answering….

Hey I found ur ID card do you need it tomorrow? Or is it cool for Monday

Brutal I need it 4 the morning can I call u in the morning ps u r amazing

I fall asleep giddy, totally insanely happy.

The next morning I have to leave really early to make my drive to Moncton back in Fred, but he gets the badge from JB. All is well with the world.

Foolish Friday - Part 1

I feel the need to recap the last two weeks: I have been avoiding blogging about some things *cough Colin*, which I don’t think has ever happened for me before. I can’t think of a better way to get into this then just letting it out…last week and the week before were the worst I’ve had with Colin yet. From the first Monday, I knew something was wrong. He wasn’t talking to me, he was avoiding my gaze, he was literally turning around and walking in the opposite direction if he saw me.. Wednesday I confronted him. I sent him an email asking him why he was being so weird to me, which he denied, played off as nothing and told me he wasn’t being weird. So, I keep going about my normal work business, a little hurt but nothing too upsetting. I thought maybe it was all in my imagination because I had been so paranoid that I, myself, was acting weird to him ever since our lunch hour incident.

Last Friday comes along, which was amazing by the way. I never got a chance to blog about last weekend either, so here’s a little recap: My sorority hosted an ABC party, which was AWESOME! We all went out to a bar and I met up with JB and a bunch of other friends there too. Then I find out that Colin’s friends are coming to Fred for the night, staying in a hotel. I am terrified and excited thinking Colin might be with them. Of course he wasn’t.

They show up at the bar and I go up to the one I know, Murph, and say Hi! He then turns around and introduces me to the rest of the buddies as 'Boydy’s girl'... Yupp, apparently that's me...I was a little shocked they would know, but I guess he gossips with his buddies just like I do with my girls. And I can’t deny, I liked being known as his girl. The night goes on, we dance and party and at one point I get into a convo with C’s friends and they start ranting about how much they hate his gf. :|. At this point I'm like, shit, hope they like me... I wouldn’t want them to go back and say anything bad about me to him :\ **Awkward** Anyways, that is that, the night ends. I am pissed he didn’t come down with them, but whatever. I am not at all surprised.

Next Monday rolls around and Colin seems slightly nicer to me, he comes over and we chat a bit and he tells me he regrets not going Friday. From there everything is downhill, he goes right back to not talking to me, not looking at me, completely ignoring me. I am so hurt at this point work becomes rather excruciating for at least 1 or 2 days. Once the initial hurt has set in, I realize, with the help of my lovely ladies, that he is doing exactly what I asked him to do: that if he ever wanted to be done with me that he should stop behaving differently to me then to everyone else at work. Well, he went one step further becoming downright mean, but hey, it was doing the job: Making me stop liking him.

A few of us had training Thursday and Friday together. Two days together in the same room, hoorah. Luckily I snuck a seat at the back with Brendon and Colin was stuck at the front. Thursday break rolls around, he walks by me and Brendon and asks B if he’d like to go outside with him for a primetime. Brendon says no thanks, meanwhile I am walking into the other room to get a drink. Colin follows and is chatting with the others. He turns to go outside and I very casually say, “Would you like some company?” His reply is, “Not really”. Zero joke in his voice. He turns to look at me and then walks out and all I can do is turn away from him and close my open mouth. Crying would have been very welcome and comforting at this point, but since I was in training and at work, it is impossible. That night I have a power chat with JB<3 and basically pump myself up for the inevitable. That it is over and done and he has made his choice and that I need to respect it and move on. I make a playlist and fill it with angsty break up songs to listen to on the drive to work tomorrow.

An aside: I had already made plans with JB and Bells for a girly Friday night of dress up and Indie Pop Night, Saint John style. I did not mention to Colin or anyone at work that I was going to be staying in SJ Friday night. However, JB had hung out with Colin’s friend Murph that Monday night and had discussed it, so Jen told me Thursday. Of course, after such a cold shoulder I would never even bother telling him that I was, or even wanted to tell him.

To be continued...

trying some vegetarian eats

so after reading some blogs yesterday featuring pictures of delicious looking hot dogs, I really wanted to buy some. i haven't had a good hot dog in forever. yesterday after yoga i had to pop over to sobeys anyways, and this is the result (feel free to call me crazy after this one..i blame it on this weird cold/non-cold i have, slightly runny nose, small cough, bit of a sore throat: insignificant symptoms but i feel like i could fall over at any moment)

Hot dog comparison:


The Larsen brand i was brought up eating vs (the only meatless hot dogs there) Schneider's Oh Naturel! I will be eating these as soon as possible...hopefully tonight. Who will come out on top? I am predicting the Larsen because, YUM. But I hope the meatless ones put up a good fight.


then i randomly was feeling this...

Chili comparison:







no meat in the last one. we'll see which one is better when i get around to it. not sure how to do this one, if i make 3 cans of chili at once, that's a hella lot of chili.

I also felt the need to buy these. i know i like one better then the other but i couldnt remember which, so i just bought them both. then when i took them home i tried them both and they tasted the damn same (stupid non cold makes my taste buds not work).


then i noticed liam watching me intently and thought he could help...


two pieces down at the same time, pep on the left, salami on the right:



there ya go.

looking for some thing...

please leave me comments with your favorite "of the moment" songs to download! i am (constantly) desperate for new music, since i listen to my iPiddle 24/7: 3 hours driving and then as much as possible during the 8 hour work day..so about 60% of my life it is in my ears. (i will prob be deaf by the age of 30) **knock on wood**

GIMME GIMME GIMME.
thanks all.