well, this will be kept short as i am not getting emotional and/or worked up over this subject again. Thursday was cool with Colin and Friday as well we were both acting normal with no awkwardness. This crazy since gr 10 gf chick, who according to Colin hasnt been his gf since around may, calls him every morning at the same time on his work phone. i can tell he is talking to her because he talks very quietly and what he says just sounds like he is talking to someone who is nagging him. anyways, point is yesterday morning before he hung up he said, "love you too" very, very quietly, but i could tell that was what he said. i have never heard him say that to her before and the last time on his fb was May. so there i was sitting alone in my silent trailer, not believing my ears. seriously, i was shaking and sick. havent had those kind of feelings in so long. meanwhile im texting b madly to call me before i have a breakdown. she calls me right away thank god and talks me off my mind cliff and tells me the facts straight up: that my beginning 'kissing him' goal and not dating him ever has morphed into this, oh god epiphany that i do want to date him and want to be his gf; that he is clearly an asshole since he made out with me wed and now he is telling this poor other girl who has no clue that he loves her, 3 days later! that he is not worth me and i need to find someone who is not an asshole. (why oh why do i like the assholes?) and that i need to quit him cold turkey and just write the whole thing off.
wish it was as easy as that sounds. honestly i have always felt strong in these kind of situations, doing whats best and least destructive for myself. I dont even know who i am right now.
luckily i have the best girlfriends in the world who make me real and who i am and who i aspire to be.
i wish i didnt have to see him everyday, i literally have to walk by his desk to get out of my trailer. anytime i want to leave to pee, get water, print something off, etc etc There he fucking will be. Fuck haha, FML!!!
oh well whatever im over it, writing about it feels good, just getting it all out of my system.
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