Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Yupp. Guilty.

DANG DANG DANG. I am such an arse. What is the cardinal rule of a 20 something strong, independent woman? OK maybe not “cardinal” (is that word ever used for anything other then “the cardinal rule”? I don’t think so.), but significant enough I’d say.

Speak it with me girls!

I am being so effed swept! Colin is crap in a million ways, but some days (like today) I cannot shake those stupid erratic feelings I have for him. Arrrrgggh. Damn you and how you look so good at work! Why do you have to wear your hair fancy and have a beard like you know I like? Why are you buying new clothes that make me compliment you! How do I find you so sexily intelligent at work and yet so dumb in your decisions elsewhere??

Since I arrived back from vacation in Edmonton, slowly but surely he has been making his way back into my nook. It began with just little things, easily dismissible.

But from short hellos and deep sidelong glances came full on conversations. As things built up I had to release by sending him an email professing all, again. This time, there was no avoidance; he was friendlier to me if anything and even recently told me how much he enjoyed reading it. So far, so good. But, brain kicking in for my own well being I locked myself up, chanting nightly “One more month, just one more month” in the mirror as affirmation.

Of course, we all know that when it comes to the opposite sex I play it strong but am in reality too stupid and a dreamer forgiving and understanding. Last week, I threw caution to the wind. I let myself have it: multiple amicable chats and a lunch date together in the caf. Friday went even further, he venturing to my desk several times and coming out of his comfort zone, touching his skin to mine in a very non coworker fashion. Yeah, I got lots of work done that day :|

Today is Tuesday. Day two of hell week as things have begun to plateau. The next step would be a “casual” encounter in Saint John, but that phenomenon is of the past and merely existent in my imagination these days. It’s only a matter of time before he realizes how close to that we’re getting, clams up and turns on me. Start the fucking proverbial countdown.

Despite all, we’re in a good place. I think. If only because we’ll be leaving each others lives in no less than 30 days. I am for this moment, happy. Dare I say it, enjoying myself. And I believe he is, too. Our behavior is, in its way, harmless. 30 days and it will be done. No harm, no foul. And life will go on. He will return solely to his gf and the home they are building together and all that entails. I will return to my city, my third year of university, a crazy class schedule and my presidency of Iota Beta Chi Sorority. Our lives will be separated by more then just 150km.

For all the foolishness, for everything that has happened, for the good times and the bad, I guess all I can do is hold my breath and take this thing one day at a time.

Day one.


Robyn M. said...

Tyler I love you! Your blog also makes my day.. although you have been less frequently posting..Also I have no advice because I am exactly the same way! Let it be known tho I will fly across the country to kick this kid's ass..

WhitneyAlaina said...

im with robyn on everything she said: your blog makes my day, im the same way...the only difference is i don't need to fly.

TJayne said...

Tylerrrr arg girl! Well in 30 days it'll be done, but you have at least three tough chicks to beat him if he does anything stupid until then. ;) xo

m. said...

It is easy to say we shouldn't let men control our lives, but a lot less easy to actually live by that advice.
Keep on keepin' on girl. We all love you.

TJayne said...

m. is absolutely right. Very true.

Plaid Guru said...

Robyn: I love you too! Haha we still rock tho. Can’t wait to see you soon!

Whitney: Love you too! I sawd you last night <3

TJayne: Thanks Trish <3 Can’t wait till school begins and the sorority starts going again! Gotta love the support you get from a bunch of wonderful, strong ladies.

M.: That is what I’m saying! Argh it’s so frustrating haha, I want to be the boss of me. Stupid feelings! Haha they always get in my way…See you soon I hope! If not this summer then out this fall when I’m back in town all the time <3

Bailey Morrison said...

Thanks for the nice comment! Heart you girl. Boys ruin your life, just sayin. :)


Amber said...

O I've been there! And like others, have no advice. The only way got over it was to move on to someone so much better (and there is always someone better). So push through!

chelsea rebecca said...

AHHH i love this post!!
and i've been there so many times. i tell myself i will not let a man take over my life then bam... he sweeps me off my feet.. damn it! hahaha.

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