Nancy Drew and the Case of the Stinky Roommate

The other day I was home alone and there was this smell in the kitchen. I could not figure out what it was but it was disgusting. And strong. It smelled kind of like rot or mold combined with nose burning bitter sweat.

Not until later that day when I opened the dryer did I finally realize where the smell was coming from. I had previously hidden my laundry detergent because the guys kept using it. Well, seems like Jamie decided to do a huge load without using any soap. Yupp. Washed clothes, underwear and towels together and did not use any laundry soap.

To make it that much worse, the load was so big that our puny dryer couldn't handle it. Therefore Jamie's "clean" clothes were stewing in their own juices half wet for at least 2 days.

S'cuse me while I go puke real quick.

Ok I'm back. Where was I? Right, so, this horrid sweaty burning smell was from all his clothing and towels, and the moldiness was because they were still wet. I piled his shit on the porch as fast as possible and closed the door because it was literally stinking up the house.

The next day I was walking into my bedroom upstairs and I smelled the fucking smell, again. It was now coming from Jamie’s room down the hall. He’d retrieved his clothes from the porch and moved them into his room. I have been sneakily closing his bedroom door ever since to block out the smell.

Today I came home and was about to close his door when I noticed

SUPER SNEAKY stacking CDs just slightly in front of the door to keep it propped open. And if I tried to close it I would have knocked the entire pile over, likely disclosing the fact that I was the one closing the door.

So, I thought I was being sneaky. I guess I wasn’t. Shit. On the plus side the smell coming from his room is now this:

A great improvement. I decided to leave the door ajar.

What a sneaker though, eh. That friggin stack had to be strategically placed. There's no way that was by chance. It's impossible!


Hmmmm, let’s see what else. Oh yes, for the past few days I have come home to this:

Which I promptly switch to this

Much better.

Until next time, Nancy out.

GET TO KNOW TYLER: 3 most irritating ppl traits

WARNING TO READERS: Below is Tyler at her most vulgar

IRRITATING 

The First
When people use your things without asking ie food, laundry detergent, my BAR OF SOAP IN THE BATHROOM?! This is probably the biggest issue at my house. I have learned that I cannot leave my laundry detergent in the laundry room or else it will be gone next time I try to use it, that if I open a jar of cheese whiz, no matter where I hide it in the fridge, it will get eaten, that if I leave my soap in the shower it will inevitably get little hairs on it THAT DON’T BELONG TO ME SICK FUCK OFF! It is really gross. Moral of the story: only your bedroom is safe. And sometimes not even...

The Second
When people stand really close behind you in lineups, especially at the grocery store. Just because you are ramming yourself up my ass the store clerk will NOT ring in my groceries any faster! Thanks! Back. The. Fuck. Off.

The Third
When someone pulls out ahead of your car and then proceeds to drive extremely slow. Helllllooooo buddy. I know you saw me coming and I know you saw I was driving pretty fast. But you couldn't just let me go by ya, huh. Well fuck YOU buddy!! FUCKA-U. Socka my cock, TWO TIMES.

MY BIGGEST MONEY SUCK (other than gas and online shopping…)

Groceries are the biggest money killer to me. Of. All. Time.

I have a sick fascination with grocery stores. I love them. I love grocery shopping. I love making elaborate meal plans and I love making up the list!

Flip side: I hate cooking. I am lazy as shit when it comes to cooking and even when real effort is put in, the results are still average at best.

This is what living away from home for four months with access to a car and proximity to Sobeys and Superstore has taught me: I am a grocery hoarder. I hoard groceries! I buy groceries usually once a week, slamming away an avg. of $50 each time. I don’t know why it took me an entire 3 months to realize this behavior. It started when I began recording how many times I visited grocery stores.

Mind boggling!

This is my mentality: Hmm, I feel like making tacos tonight! Yumm!

Reality: I hit the store, buy all the supplies + whatever other groceries I see that spark my interest + anything that is on sale especially that sparks my interest + I am fairly certain there is already food prepared in the fridge that I should consume to stop it from going bad. (phew)


Every week I throw out food. Every week.  And I feel really bad about it. And not just because I know there are millions of people who could have benefited from what I've allowed go to waste but because it literally feels like I'm throwing money into the garbage. Then I also still want to be healthy (ish), so I'm not only eating cereal and KD (which never go bad...cept you kinda need milk for both of them) therefore I will keep buying fruit and veggies. Veggies and fruit are expensive. Meat? More expensive.

Currently in my fridge I have to dispose of a plastic container of tuna/egg mixture, a plastic container of cooked chicken, full feta cheese, bag of carrot sticks, possibly my lettuce bag and my (almost full) milk. This is a typical amount of food I throw out (when I get the guts to actually open the plastic containers and empty the contents…it’s usually pretty gross..so I like to put it off.)


What I have learned: 

• Stick to the outskirts of the store: meat, veggies, fruit and bread. This is the bulk of what I live on and what goes bad the quickest and needs replacing. Anything on the inner is really just crappy filler. DELICIOUS crappy filler, but crappy filler non-the-less. Keep it out of your line of sight and chances are you won’t buy it. If you truly want something special: drink mix, kraft dinner, etc. make a special trip but just for that. When you are a single person feeding only yourself there’s really no reason you shouldn’t be able to push your cart through the 15 items or less checkout every time.

• Bring in a list and ONLY buy what’s on the list. SALES BE DAMNED.

• DO NOT buy something just because it is good for you if you don’t like it. Ex: I bought a box of blueberries last week. I HATE blueberries?! And I bought them why??? Because they are supposed to be good for your memory or some bullshit. But really cuz they were on sale and strategically placed directly in front of the doors when I entered and my basket was empty.

• Eat the food you have. SUCK IT UP, YOU MONEY AND FOOD WASTER!

Does anyone else feel like this ever?! PLEASE if you have any, give me tips!

For the love of all that’s holy

10 things I love this summer

Popsicles

Driving with the windows down

Pretty nail polish

Sunglasses!

Braided hair designs

Listening to classic rock

Watching sporting events outside or even just playing catch

Board games...namely, Settlers of Catan

Tattoos

Meeting new friends. And learning to appreciate the ones I already have that much more.

On a mission to find some old man Harley Davidson tank tops. Need. NOW. Frenchies...I am coming for you.

What I did (and didn’t do) in the Valley

Well my tots and totettes, I just got back from a long weekend of camping adventure in the middle of cow county. Friday morning myself and my roommate Scott set off on a mission to fly planes and then not die of boredom while waiting to fly more planes. Scott is working on getting his “Ultralight” aviation license. (It’s beyond me why, you all know how I feel about airplanes…) He takes his lessons in a small, secluded farmtown area right off the ocean about 5 hours from Port Hawkesbury. He invited me along to keep him company on his trip.

Friday afternoon, about an hour from our campsite we stopped at the Superstore to get some dinner and low and behold HARRY POTTER was playing in the movie theatre next door. In all glorious spur-of-the-moment style we went and saw the final HP then and there. I tell you, I cried like a baby. I was literally holding it in so I wouldn’t gasp out super loud (cuz that would have been embarrassing). There were only about 20 ppl in the theatre. It was actual magic.

We found our campground, which was beautiful and perched at the very top of a mountain. Canadian Tire Broadstone pop up tents are worth their weight in gold. Our site was set up in less than 5 min. Hand to God. We built a fire, cracked some drinks, walked around, blah blah blah…

I must have woken up seven hundred times! No exaggeration! I was freezing and had to pee (Stupid Smirnoff Ice. Stupid bladder.) but was too chicken to go cuz all I could hear were freaky animal noises!

Shots of Scott flying (taken previously, haven't got mine on my computer just yet)

 

The next day after Scotts morning flight, we decided to go on a hunt for this beautiful waterfall. We must have driven down about 6 dirt roads until we finally found the spot (or so we thought). We hiked down to the coast. The beach was all tiny rocks, bastards! My flip flops did not do well. There were caves down beach so we went to explore. We never actually ended up going in the water because we are big babies and it was cold and there were fish. Millions of them! We scaled some cliffs though which was awesome and trekked through a lot of woods making our own path which was also fun. When we finally made it back to the car we were a mess. Muddy and dirty, cut and bleeding. But all smiles.

We drove around, hung off the end of docks, climbed to the top of a lighthouse, drove around more, I might have napped at one point. Scott flew again at night. I visited one of my most favorite friends at her beautiful house nearby. Her family made me a delicious dinner! Which my body was extremely thankful for after solely consuming hotdogs for 2 days. There was heat lightening in the sky as me and Scott drove back to our campsite and all hell broke loose in the form of pouring rain just as we arrived. We did what any sensible people would do: Ran top speed for the cooler, got drinks, took refuge in the car and drove to the mountain lookout to watch the lightening.

Sunday morning came bright and early. Why Scott didn’t feel the need to wake me up until 5 min before he had to leave is beyond me! I actually slept like a baby. The previous night had taught me to actually sleep inside my sleeping bag like a cocoon. I also had pillows at this point (I forgot them the first night, thnx Rob <3).

Instead of just dropping him off I stayed around and watched him do some take offs and landings. The instructors wife then put me to work with her (she owns 17 horses and teaches lessons) tending to a horse and running him outside a bit. It was so nice! Very nice people! I love love love horses and had been talking Scotts ear off about how I wanted to see them all weekend. They invited us out for lunch so we packed up our site and met them at a local take out. Really delicious food. We all ate deep friend haddock bits, clams, scallops, fries and onion rings. Yumm. Then since it was National Ice Cream Day, me and Scott stopped for some melty ice cream to completely fill our bellies!

It was a great weekend. I definitely want to visit the Valley again and soon! It was a beautiful place. Very farmy. Very open. Lots of old things to see and explore. ROBYN. I AM COMING FOR YOU.

Things I have learned about my roommate on this trip:

He cannot handle listening to anyone elses music but his own. This was funny and cute for a bit. By the time we were about an hour away from home I wanted to rip his hands off. DON’T EVER TOUCH SOMEONE ELSES IPOD WHEN THEY ARE DRIVING AND IT IS THEIR CAR. DEAAAAATH WILL COME SWIFTLY.

He eats a lot of food. Where does it go? Why is he in such good shape?! BOYS = EVIL.

He is a clean freak. He washed his hair under the water tap at least 3 times. I washed my hair zero times.

He doesn’t like chocolate therefore he is a freak of nature.

He talks about girls in a derogatory manner way too often. Like, all the time. Again, funny in small doses. After 3 days of it, just annoying combined with a little bit of loss of respect.


We came back home and instead of going to bed like normal people we decided to play board games. And I WON MY VERY FIRST SETTLERS GAME! And then we played again. And then I WON AGAIN, MUAHAHAHAHA. The boys were both super cranky after that and definitely ready for bed. They are my little toddlers.

i got a fire burning

Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam!

Tyler is BAAAACK. Old shell has been thrown out the window. I am back to showing off my shoulders (NO MORE ARM COVERING SWEATERS!) rockin the black tank top that I love. I am back to singing out loud as I walk down the hall. I am back to romping around the house in my underwear (TWO can play at that game roommates! En garde!) I am back to taking a redonk amount of photos and posting them on fb cuz they are hilarious and memories need to be captured. I am back to loving my hair in braids. BRAIDS ARE UNDERRATED.

I am once again EMBRACING THE PLAIDGURU WITHIN! I cannot stop listening and watching this song...it might make me wear plaid every day for the freakin rest of my life.

PS LEAVING TODAY TO GO WITH SCOTT FOUR DAYS FOR HIS FLYING LESSONS! :D



Currently on the tyler to do list:

RESIST the urge to eat at McDonalds. Neither your ass or your wallet can afford it.
Listen to more music. It truly soothes the soul.
Work on COMP314 online course. ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN TAKING IT IN CLASS AGAIN!
Call my friends on the phone more often. I couldn't have been in a worse mood yesterday. A few quick calls and my head was clear and my face was once more shinning. Screw texting I am donzo.
Capture moments: any and all! Life is too short!
Be bold and go swimming! Rock the new bathing suit and embrace/love yourself! Confidence is catching!
Just remember to smile more and try not to worry. Shit things happen. It's how it goes. But wonderful things are constantly happening too. There's always a silver lining.
Raise funds and go camping in PEI. This needs to happen.
Somehow acquire this ring. Even though I am a size 10. RING ME!

In response to a comment from a previous post, what I am wearing on my eyes in this picture:

I am wearing a cumulative mix of every black make up I own I think haha. NOTHING WAS DARK ENOUGH. I have been watching the TV series Sons of Anarchy and it makes me want to wear extremely dark eye make up, wife beaters and strut around being super tough.

First off I have a little black eye liner in my eyebrows. I think I would like to dye them darker. LOVE a strong eyebrow. The liner I have is cheap but good, Rimmel Exaggerate waterproof eye definer in Noir. I also used this liner on the bottom of my eyes, under the lashes and over, making sure my eyelash roots were covered.

On top I used a MAC Paint Pot in Blackground for the base. Then lined the upper lashes using a black MAC Greasepaint Stick. I then did a final top lash line along the eyelashes in Revlon Liquid Colorstay Eyeliner blackest black. To get the shading above my eye I used a large angle brush and Lancome color focus 4 pallette in Black Tie Affair, varying between the two darkest powder shades. The inside corner of my eye and under the brown line was done with the white powder in my large Sephora pallette to add some highlighting and light.

Finally I covered both top and bottom lashes in Covergirl Lashblast Fusion mascara in black. (THIS and regular Lashblast, FAVORITE mascara I've ever used AND affordable. That is bank. Don't recommend the waterproof though.)

Of all of these things I would recommend them all except for the MAC Greasepaint stick. I rarely use it and it must be paired with something else. Both liners and the mascara I used daily and the Lancome powder I have been coveting for atleast 3 years now and prey it never runs out.

What are some of your favorite makeup staples??

because I have to tell this story at somepoint

Ok guys. I really fucked up. I mean seriously fucked up.

I actually can’t even type this without tearing up. I’m such a girl sometimes.

Ok I am gonna lay it out. I had sex with Scott’s friend, Jordan. One of his best friends here in PH.

It was stupid and selfish. I don’t like him. And I will not like him. He is not the guy for me. He also just recently broke up with his gf of two years a few weeks ago.

There’s not really any excuse. He definitely started it, but I didn’t stop it. I made the choice my body wanted, and disregarded my head and heart. This was a few weeks ago. I asked him not to say anything to Scott. Again, selfish. But I was ashamed and…then there’s Scott. Sleeping with one of his friends could finish any chance of us. He is loyal and a good man when his heart is in it.

It seemed like things were going to blow over. Miraculously nothing was mentioned.

Until this past Saturday that is. (Insert slap hand to forehead here)

Jordan’s idea: he wanted to drink and drink hard. Scott was away taking flying lessons for 4 days. When he got home he told me all about it and when I asked him if he was lonely there he said he was. He told me all this things he did: mud sliding, the movies, pubs. Then he asked me if I’d like to come with him the next time he went. His exact words were: “It was fun, but all I really wanted was someone there like a girlfriend that I could do all these things with.”

Me. Scott. Alone…4 days and 3 nights…tenting together in a beautiful area? Like a girlfriend? Thought of me…? Um, gasp, catch breath, exhale…repeat.

I told him I’d see if I could get work off. Then he starting listing off all the things we could do together there. He said he wanted to show the place off to me because he knew I would love it as much as he did. He said his instructor had a surf board with a sail we could borrow and go windsurfing. He said..a lot :) His asking me to come with him said a lot.

I think that was the first time I felt really comfortable with the concept of me and him, as more than roommates. Is your heart fluttering as much as mine is right now?

Saturday night came, the boys arrived. It was a usual night. Except it wasn’t because there were sparks and they were obvious and they were flying.

Jordan was being extra flirty. Most likely because I was paying him no attention. I’ve been there, in his shoes. He just wanted to feel special again. But it would have been false and I wasn’t going to do that again.

Meanwhile, Scott and me had sang “Ain’t no mountain high enough” together the night of my birthday when we celebrated just me and him. He was determined to do it again. So, he put it on and we let loose. I haven’t sung like that in a long time. We held hands and he stood above me as I sat in a chair. And we sang every word to each other. It flew by. I remember feeling no embarrassment. We just fed off each other. Then the song ended and I was utterly euphoric. So was he. Then he bent swiftly down and kissed me on the lips.

Insert gasp and heart stop here.

It has been years since that has happened to me, and it's only happened once before. I'll never forget it. That moment that you don't see coming. That first kiss, being a complete and total surprise. The boy you care for having the guts and making that first move because he wants it that badly too. And at the same time it being the only thing you'd wanted in the world to happen.

The look of surprise on my face did it and he immediately started backtracking his actions but before he could get a proper sentence out I held fast to his hand and drug him down to meet me again.

Shaken, giddy and elated we moved to the couch where I sat and he layed with his head in my lap. I stroked his hair and he stroked my leg.

Things were going very, very well.




Then. Of course. Karma is a bitch. Don’t ever think it won’t come back and bite you in the ass, because let me tell you it will.

At some point Jordan got Scott into the kitchen and told him. I walked in to them talking about it. I swiftly walked out. SHIT FUCK DAMN. These were running through my head as I sat down on my bed drink in hand. That was that then.

So, I had two options. Stay locked in my bedroom and pout OR head back downstairs and face the music. MUSIC IT WAS. I did the only thing I could, and strut my stuff back down there like nothing had happened.

Things were tense. Real life Jersey Shore-esk behavior at its best. We soon went out, walking to see a band play outside. Somehow I ended up walking arm in arm with Scott, alone, during which time there was some serious venting. Lots of hurtful comments, but none undeserved. And then we seemed, back, and ok. He paid my way in and bought my drinks. We danced and sang Mr. Jones and all those old cover songs bands play.

I left the boys around 2:30, catching a ride home. I made my way up to sleep but kept my door open wide. I was awoken by a heavy body on me and drunken slurring. I was sure it was Scott.

To my utter surprise, I turned and it was JORDON! I practically screamed at him to get out and he finally left in a huff.

Jeeesus. What next.

I fell into a clumsy sleep and was soon awakened by a sweet quiet voice saying my name softly. This was it. I beckoned him in and he joined me under the covers. He took me in his arms at once and I just bathed in the warmth of him around me. We lay together and hugged and kissed each other all over. He wrapped my leg around his body. We breathed each other in. He told me I was gorgeous. That I was so beautiful. That he thought I was the coolest girl. That he was so happy he was my roommate. We kissed. A lot. He asked me what my dreams in life were. He told me he cared about me and that scared him. He told me he loved me at one point (but it was probably just the beer talking). We did not have sex. We just layed together.

He told me my hair smelled good.

Sunday dawns and I am awkward as hell. Stone cold, indifferent as fuck, it’s my defense. Too terrified of rejection, It’s so difficult to just let be. He is the same, or so that’s what I perceive. I know he doesn’t want a commitment. He’s only made that offhand comment 100 times since I’ve met him. I’ve witnessed him with other girls. I never cared before…

I am working hard on just letting be. And returning to being myself around him. To not ignoring and being short with him. I don't need to defend. I, me, am the girl who he hugged tight all night long. That same make up less, bra less girl he's lived with for almost 3 months...

And now I can’t help but…possibly love him too. (but that’s just the beer talking again)