Monday, August 31, 2009

Don't Date A Douchebag

Take this QUIZ to help avoid dating assholes...

The first date you go on he:

a) Talks about how he’s such a high achiever who is smarter then the rest of the guys on his floor and is surprised that fellow classmates aren’t on the same wavelength. He talks and talks about going to law school, wanting to earn at least six figures and never once asks you what your aspirations are.
b) Goes into detail about how the sex was so good with his ex-girlfriend.
c) Bumps into a group of friends and fails to introduce you.
d) Engages you with lots of questions, tries hard to figure out a good plan for the date, compliments your smile and chivalrously opens doors.


a)Texts this: “Yo bitch, wanna come suck my dick”
b)It takes him three days to text you back and he avoids initial question and just writes “so stoned.”
c)You text him at 4PM for plans and he only ever texts you at 2AM for booty.
d)“I had a terrific time. You looked so hot in that skirt. When we meeting up next?”

At a party:

a)He goes out of his way to make you feel uncomfortable by undermining your intelligence and publicly mocking you.
b)You show up together and he spends the entire night talking with some chick in the kitchen about how she loves one night stands. (Oh, believe me- it’s happened!)
c)After drinking five beers decides to be a stand-up comedian and tell everyone an embarrassing story about you.
d)Introduces you to people, offers to get you a drink, and says “Babe, just let me know if you are bored and want to leave.”

Between the Sheets:

a)Complains that you are a prude or tells you that he needs to teach you how to shag because you obviously don’t know what you are doing.
b)Always requests oral sex and never gives.
c)Only wants to do it doggy style – despite your desires to explore other positions.
d)Gives you head, you have sex, roll around the sheets, kisses your tits and says ‘wow, that was hot.’


a)He cries that he’s poor so you lend him $50. Later that night you find him at the bar getting wasted and remarking that he’s lucky to have a rich girlfriend.
b)You plan a nice date with wine, lingerie and dinner. He belches, wants to watch HNIC and later you wake up to him jerking off to RedTube.
c)You help him study for a test, make him an omelet and later that night he ditches you because his ex is having a break down and he needs to comfort her.
d)He makes you spaghetti. You bring the wine. He plays with your hair. You spend the first part of night watching Sex And The City and the later half The Bourne Supremacy. You make love for hours.

Dating a douchebag?
Mostly A’s – Girl, you have found yourself the biggest asswipe around – DITCH IMMEDIATELY! Seriously, you are a joke.
Mostly B’s – Totally unacceptable, all of them. One or two B’s – you need to set him straight. If it’s more than that – cut that douchebag loose, or you are just embarrassing yourself.
Mostly C’s – Okay – so he’s not horrible, but he’s no winner. Figure out what you are willing to settle for. He better be good in one area, at the very least. We recommend dumping though, cause it ain’t going to get much better. You get what you settle for.
Mostly D’s – Awww. He’s sooo amazing and you are soooooo in love!


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