Monday, January 28, 2013

Edmonton, it’s slippery.

I am a newcomer to the fine city of Edmonton and this is my very first winter. It seems I do not have the same instincts born to those from here.  Also being clumsy as fuck does not help.

The roads/sidewalks/every surface ever outdoors that you put your feet down on, is slippery. Pure ice slippery! And when it snows, it gets worse! Because then there is a layer of snow hiding the sneaky ice patches. SOMEHOW I have managed not to fall..oh wait as I say this I AM REMEMBERING THE ONE TIME I DID FALL. I was drunk coming home from the bar with my sister (oh that sounds good) and I was striding along like nobodies business and I hit a 2 metre patch and just went down. It didn’t hurt I remember I was laughing and then a stranger asked if I was ok and offered me a handful of bouncy balls. A HANDFUL! I took two.

Other then that, I have not yet fallen this winter. YET. Yet. As I’m saying this I am jinxing myself. I have seen about 5 people go down though. This is what I have learned: when you cross a road, that is the slipperiest. Don’t speed walk. Take your time cuz if you are like SHIT the little hand is flashing at me! And start running, YOU WILL SURELY FALL. And it will be in front of at least 5 cars.

Beware of snow on top of hidden ice. That shit will slide right out from under your feet! And then you will be on your butt.

Wear good shoes. If you wear Payless “uggs”, you will likely fall! (Yeah, that is what I wear)

Don’t NOT look where you are going. This morning I almost lost it because I was distracted, you know, putting on my hat because it was -26 and I didn’t see the giant frozen spot I was stomping on and I did the whole WHOOOAAA thing where one foot goes up in the air and your hands fly up and your hand bag comes off your arm. BUT, I did not fall.


Until tomorrow when I break my collar bone or some such.

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