Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Relationships

There is no black and white. There is no constant. People change all the time. Something triggers deep down and there’s a shift. Hormones decreasing or chemical signals accelerating. It isn’t tangible or predictable. But it happens, and it happens all the time. You can’t blame it, because there is nothing that could have been done to stop it. There’s no one to put blame to.

Can we really believe there is this “one true love” that exists out there? We are supposed to find them…it’s the ultimate goal, right? So, what about the guy/girl you are with now. Are they the one. Can you tell? Is there a feeling inside? If it’s there, will it last? If it’s not, will it come. Would you bet your life on it? What then. What if you know they’re not but you cling to them none the less? Perhaps you are their one, and you merely treat them as a stepping stone. Is it therefore wrong to continue to be with them? To prolong the inevitable, because really you’ve already subconsciously decided. Should the other be content with what portion they have, or will it all inexorably end in chaos on both sides.

And then, what if you and the other party both know you will never be more than you are right now, which could be barely anything but what it is, is something. Do you continue for the sake of continuing regardless of the fact that the ultimate goal will never be achieved and that this might in fact be impeding such an occurrence.
How many is too many. Where do we draw that moral line?
Is it worth it to remain in limbo. Is it worth the short good and the predictable bad. Those who aren’t getting what we all know they deserve, because everyone knows you deserves the best.  Isn’t that what we all tell each other?
You could do better.
Don’t settle for anything less.

He’s not the one for you.

The truth is, there is no line. We’re all utterly selfish and self fulfilling, even if we don’t realize it. We all want that something to cling to, to have, to give us what we need. Sometimes it hurts us and sometimes we hurt it. Regardless, it remains. That want. That need. To have. And  to what end?


What is it more self damaging? To persist in a relationship with such bleak potential or to remain alone until the day arrives….if it arrives at all.





I talk to Gary, we talk. Sometimes I tell him to go away and sometimes I just want him to hold me and I don't know why. I don’t see this person. We don’t fit into each others lives. Yet here we are, closing in on a year since we first met. We’ve seen each other merely 3 times. We don’t fit. Why are we still talking? I don’t really like him, do I? I don’t see him. I don’t know him. You can’t know someone through a phone. Then why does it go on. It’s fruitless and sometimes it hurts for no reason at all. But it continues. For both of us. We cling. We’re clinging. But is it wrong? And if it’s not then why is it making me think like this? Why is my brow furrowed.

“These are the things we want. Simple things. Comfort, sex, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn; it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills you've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principal is at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want?” -BTVS

So there are different. There are many. Here's a few.
The...
'I luv you' lover
'I love you' lover
'I LOVE YOU' lover
'I love you more than you love me' lover
'you love me more than I'll ever love you' lover
'I can't love you' lover
'I can't stand you' lover
'circumstance' lover
'rebound' lover
'jealous' lover
'great sex' lover
'cheating' lover
'expected' lover
'wounded' lover
'settling' lover                                (check)

3 comments:

Robyn M. said...

I here the clinging when you know its not right..but I also have no idea why..except to fill the lonely void? and I don't know if thats a good excuse. I love you tho!

Tmo said...

This is beautifully written.
You are my sorority lover. :)

Anonymous said...

It is beautifully written and extremely thought provoking and intriguing. We cling to fill a void, whether it helps or hurts us and we settle for that feeling of goodness right here and right now but if you settle with a relationship with no potential you may risk missing out on the one when they do come around because you are busy settling, so what is there to do is exactly what no one can answer. Love is there, it is everywhere, it is in us to give and to be received.

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