Now that I get here I don't know what to say.
My head sort of feels like it's in a vice - which is a great description of my life right now. Being locked in this apartment alone is...there is a feeling of pressure. And I should be outside and my stomach is tearing at itself and sometimes I sit here and think, this is my life?
Life is not a constant vacation, there is work to be done and things that no one wants to do. Then you live your life and you absorb the love and friendship of the people around you and that is what makes it. And here I am feeling so alone and the one person who's reaching out to me I cannot see. These emotions I am feeling, I know myself and I know they are temporary and not even real but the idea of connecting with anything at this point is the only thing that is on my mind.
I know that to stay away is what needs to happen. But how can I break this one and only connection I feel in this city. I know that I won't. And then I know that I have to.
We'll see how tomorrow goes. I know things will go back to normal and this post will mean nothing but for now it will have to do. Take it minute by minute, and day by day.
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