No Internet

NO I DID NOT DIE


I just don't have access to the internet yet at my new apt and since I don't have a fancy-jancy phone I can't walk around with internet in my hand either. Alas..

I am just sitting here at the old apartment where it seems I still have internet...hmm..had to make an emergency email check happen.

Lots of shit has happened in the past month I AM SO SORRY I have been depriving you of my exciting life but I will give you a little taste just to hold you over -

Last night, I made a Lean Cuisine, watched the Shawshank Redemption on my laptop while taking a bath and eating popsicles, played a few rounds of Bubblebust on my phone and then fell asleep to It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Ah, life is sweet.  

Funny things that have happened

Nothing is better than something extra-HILarious happening when you are feeling like shit. OH wait, tripping yourself and sprawling on the ground during downtown traffic is not so funny. Okay, yeah - it was pretty funny. Ha ha, I was like 'JESUS' - *slam*. Palm face. Get up, gather dignity, swat bloody torn pant knee and walk on.

In other news I am an official Albertan now. Or, my car is anyways. I had to get an eye test in order to get an Alberta drivers license and I barely passed because I was wearing my glasses. THE ONE DAY I do not put my contact lenses in. Also Alberta's drivers licenses are apparently similar to mug shots since you are not allowed to smile. The guy was like..'You can't do that. It messes up the polices face recognition software.' I was like...ummm..ahhh.

Then I went to the grocery store aaand it was pretty typical. Except that while I was standing in the produce aisle there was this young guy worker who was reaching up high on the shelf and the little sprinklers sprayed water and totally got him. He was like 'AW SHIT!' and then he looked up at me and we both lost it.

Work was cool today because I actually worked one-on-one with the electrical group supervisor. He is this important guy who has the power to fire me at any moment but I feel oddly comfortable working with him - he talks to me like he thinks I know what I'm doing. Which I think I sort of do..or am beginning to. Either way it is great.

Last night when I was feeling blue my mamma called because...she is the bomb. I miss everyone.

Crushed

Now that I get here I don't know what to say.

My head sort of feels like it's in a vice - which is a great description of my life right now. Being locked in this apartment alone is...there is a feeling of pressure. And I should be outside and my stomach is tearing at itself and sometimes I sit here and think, this is my life?

Life is not a constant vacation, there is work to be done and things that no one wants to do. Then you live your life and you absorb the love and friendship of the people around you and that is what makes it. And here I am feeling so alone and the one person who's reaching out to me I cannot see. These emotions I am feeling, I know myself and I know they are temporary and not even real but the idea of connecting with anything at this point is the only thing that is on my mind.

I know that to stay away is what needs to happen. But how can I break this one and only connection I feel in this city. I know that I won't. And then I know that I have to.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. I know things will go back to normal and this post will mean nothing but for now it will have to do. Take it minute by minute, and day by day.