For What It's Worth

Work kills me. Bottom line. Sometimes in a good way. Sometimes in a bad way. When it’s good, I work so hard but it feels good and I enjoy it. When it’s bad I am still working so hard except it doesn’t feel good.

It feels frustrating and pointless! It makes me feel so stupid and question if this is the right career path for me and whether or not I can actually do it or will I just fail. I have visions of my boss saying “You don’t got the stuff, kid.”, and it is terrifying.

Then the really awful part is you want to do better but you can’t even function properly because you’re muscles have all tightened up and your worried face is stuck there and you get shaky and headachy and just think IT’S POINTLESS! I CAN’T DO IT! Side note: Plus of working at Lepreau, there were lots of woodsy walking paths I could take off on without anyone questioning me and have an all-around good emotion vent. Or, in case of serious emergency, I could call up my sister and get talked off the ridiculous ledge that I’d strayed to.

Sometimes I think I should have done something different. My mom told me once that one of her biggest regrets was that she didn’t get to do her ‘dream job’. Funnily enough, the career path she divulged to me that day that she’d always wanted to pursue, unknowing to her answer, is also my dream job: An archeologist. An anthropologist. Whatever you want to call it. I picture myself, as she did, as someone to go out on adventures finding things, traveling to far off places, exploring the past and history and culture and using my hands as well as my head. Wearing cut off khakis and loose button up shirts and bucket hats and constantly meeting new people.
 

Sometimes I think, if I work in the industry for a few years, I can make some money. You know everyone thinks engineers have such a fantastic salary. They really don’t. A base engineering job will probably get you in the high $50,000 a year. Maybe $58,000 if you’re lucky. And I know that’s nothing to snub at either but still it’s not that high.

I just don’t know. I think someday soon I will jettison off and go exploring in Egypt or someplace. 1 more year of school left and I still feel like I don’t know anything. Who would hire me? Would I hire me? When there are so many more kids out there who are sickeningly BRILLIANT while I am merely mediocre.

Is there such a thing as a quarter-life crisis?

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. (insert screaming face of choice here.)

(Later that day…)

I think I just had a slight panic attack. But I am better now. Spoken in a British accent ala Everafter (I fell off a ladder in the orchard, but I am better now)

Only 30 more minutes of work which I plan on completely squandering here, on twitter, talking out loud to myself, texting and most importantly eating stale licorice. Schedule for tonight: get home from work. eat. make tomorrows lunch. go to gym. get ass kicked. shower. go to bed. wake up. repeat til insane.

THANK GOD FOR LONG WEEKENDS. Let’s all cross our fingers that the Rapture is not going to happen on Saturday, but if it does I will likely be snuggled next to the people I LOVE cuz I’m going home for 4 days. YAY, YAY, YAY, YAY! I miss all my girly friends, my boyish friends, my kitties and my parents so much! I’m definitely a little homesick. And I miss my house. And my backyard. And my neighborhood. And my BED.

I watched Benny and Joon last night. Young Johnny Depp is hot. And spry.

PAYCE.

big stop hangover breakfast is good

Two nights of drinking later and I think I have properly bonded with my roommates. However my liver is not talking to me.

Friday night was pomegranate vodka (you know the one) and the Jays vs the Twins. Last night was Long Island Iced Tea...and....the Jays vs the Twins. Scott is actually getting me into baseball. Never thought that would happen.

I am popular apparently, I have gotten two numbers already since moving here. Baam.

Shauna and Amanda. Ohhhh yeaaaaaaah. But in all seriousness it's nice to have some possible girl friends here. I'm also contemplating joining the local YMCA here. It's fairly inexpensive and in walking distance from my house. There's a public pool in the building next to it that has lap swim and such and I could get a membership to both places for about 60 bucks a month, which is not too shabby. I went to the Y yesterday. The gym kills me. Elliptical, my old friend, my legs have not missed you. Family Guy is slowly becoming my favorite show. Ps I am totally not maybe a little deny til you die crushing on my roommate. After Colin I have invoked a strict policy on not making things awkward. So NO. Nooo. NOOO.

But he is really hot. And his personality is deceptively flirty. It messes with my MIND. And we might have sort of almost slept in the same bed Friday. Cept I got outta there and went to my own bed because I am smart and have learned that lesson. DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT PEOPLE. Anywaaays, as always I will keep it honest on my blog and keep you properly updated. I definitely still miss Matt a lot too though. Braaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

mambo #5

For your visual pleasure I have creeped photos of my roommates.

Jamie

Scott

Unfortunately neither of them is him....

Uh so what has been going on, it has been an exciting past few days! One of my sorority sisters and good
friends just got married this past weekend. 5 of us girlies all converged to be there for her on her special
day, and let me tell you, it was special. I cried about…6 times. Here is a pic of the happy couple at the
reception.

Congrats guys!

Sunday I booted it to Halifax for another lovurly stay at the fancy Prince George Hotel (Thanks work!). I
decided to venture from my hotel room and ended up at the movie theatre! I went in and saw Thor. All.
By. My. Self. Hahaha, I told my friend and he was like: “Noooo! You are officially old.” Well, I guess at
22 it is official. I’ve never gone to a movie by myself before but it was pretty fun. I got to sit wherever I
wanted and I had lots of space! I ate a giant amount of buttery popcorn guilt free (NOM NOM NOM) and
I got really into the movie. O.K. As into the movie as I could possibly get. Mostly I was just staring at the
hotness of his body. As Homer Simpson drools for donuts, I drool for Thor.

This week’s goals: 1. Do laundry; mamma needs showering towels. 2. Find this swimming pool you’ve
been hearing so much about. 3. Cook a decent meal; PB&J is GROSS. 4. Finish gathering my lovely friend
Whitney’s birthdaaaay present!

I live the life of a wild man, I tell ya.

schools out for summer soooo i can blog again now

For some reason I have this thing where I can’t announce something big before it happens without getting this horrible stomach feeling. I convince myself that if I announce it all proud and stuff that I’d be completely jinxing myself and then somehow it wouldn’t happen. So here I am. I have been a silent blogger waiting with baited breath to ensure my new adventure...

And well I guess it has happened: I. Have. Moved.

Yah. Moved moved. Out of my parents’ house and out of my hometown, for the first time in my life. (Someone’s growing uuuup) I was offered a summer job placement with Nova Scotia Power at Point Tupper Power Plant (see below) which is where I am now working as sort of an assistant to an instrumentation/controls technical specialist.

So to summarize I moved out and I’m working at another power plant for the summer.

What else?

I sort of started writing...a...book (?). I have like 6 pages, which is nothing. But I guess you could call it a start. I love love love writing. And FYI, you all will never ever read it. Ha! Maybe. Maybe someday...if I become a really famous and rich author ALA Stephanie Meyer (yaaaa rigggghhht).

Uh, I live with two boys in a 110 year old house which so far does not seem haunted, which is a plus. One of them is a 30 something "DJ"/computer nerd, Jamie, who I don't think has ever been even a little bit layed and the other is a 22 yr old paramedic named Scott who is constantly watching baseball or playing baseball video games, sometimes leaves pee in the toilet and enjoys eating my bagels. Gooooooood times.

They are very nice guys tho, so it could be worse. Nonetheless you'll most definitely be hearing my rants about them here

Aaaaand that's enough for now.

Lovelies <3

Are You Satisfied?

In an effort to return to my bloggy roots, I have lowered myself to writing blog posts, ON paper in class. This has nothing at all to do with how mind-numbingly bored I am. Currently I'm sitting in controls class chowing down on a seriously large (and might I add delicious) bowl of meat chili.

You ever get that feeling that lots of stuff is going on, but then you keep finding yourself bored, doing nothing? How does that happen? Is this like some internal subconscious self sabotage? I'm having a real hard time staying on track. And I find myself reaching out for attention, boy attention. BAD boy attention. Texting Colin and TA man, when I know I should be doing neither. I think I might possibly be brainwashed. How do I become one of those people who end up scaling mountains or trekking through the jungle in sturdy hiking boots that are molded to their feet. 

I want to join the ranks of the adventurous. Travel, but not just travel...live elsewhere, somewhere a full 180 from where I am now. I want to get out, be adventurous, learn how to do things like hunt, survive off the land, shoot a bow and arrow. I want to be Rachel Weisz in The Mummy. I want exotic hair like that blond chick in The Last Air Bender, hair that is colored and strange but somehow fits. I want to learn to sword fight, do karate, be able to defend myself in a fight. I WANT ALL MY FANTASIES TO COME TRUE. (Don't we all?)

Ever think about what would happen if the world should end apocalypse style, or zombie nation, or germ warfare? Would you be one of those few survivors? I would want to be. I think my favorite books are those depicting post-apocalyptic worlds. Not that I want the world to end or anyone to die, obviously. Let's play this hypothetical. If it did happen. Where would you be? Who would you become. Would you be strong enough. I want to be.

Are you satisfied with an average life ?

shock face

just like to say I have amazing friends. lurv you all long time.

OHHH ya let's write a blog ya


This march break I've gotten drunk 3 times, gone out of town, seen a whole lot of family, applied for summer jobs, done homework, got surprise text messages from a person long past and worn alot of pajamas. Good times.

Future plans: get a job, finish homework, go grocery shopping, see a whole whack of movies


26 things that if you're really bored you'll read about me: from A to Z (from axe to....zee other axe)

Age: 22

Bed size: Double

Chore you dislike: Vacuuming = the devil

Dogs: Want one, or two, or many. Not 100% sure. We'll see how big my property is when I'm all grow'd up. But I know I want a BIG lovable dog that can pull me down the street if it wants to.

Essential start to your day: A good pee.

Favorite color: um um sky blue right now I'd say

Gold or silver:WHITE gold actually

Height: 5'11" BAM

Instruments you play(ed): Flute, for like a week

Job title: STUDENT MO FOCKER

Kids:a plenty. And they better not be like the kids on Nanny 911 or someones gonna geta hurt real bad.

Live: Fredericton baby

Mum’s name:Diane

Nicknames: T-fraser, T-frase, T-pain, you name it.

Overnight hospital stays: none to date

Pet peeves: people who stand too close to you in the grocery store line, PERSONAL SPACE BITCH!

Quote from a movie:

Righty or lefty: Righty

Siblings: Brother and two sisters and multiple sorority sisters

Time you wake up:7ish

Underwear: that is personal!

Vegetables you don't like: lima beans, green beans, baked beans. i dont like beans!

What makes you run late: I'm a slow getting ready-er

X-rays you’ve had: Teeth, back, left foot/ankle

Yummy food you make: taco salad to kill

Zoo animal favorites:zebras, or FISH!

private

I live at home. I'm not happy. I don't live at home. I'm not happy. I have things to do, I just don't want to do them. What makes you want to do things?? I escape into books, movies, tv shows, food. It makes things seem, better I guess. There's no more support in my house hold. My mom won't even leave her bedroom. Everything is shit. I don't know what to do. I really don't.