feeling: the same loving: Halloween! singing: one more time by daft punk eating: delicious nacho dip wearing: dark denim jeggings (ooh ya) craving: Halloween candy! obsessing: over my co-workers missing: his eyes reading: the kill order watching: sons of anarchy dreaming: of unmentionables wishing: that i didn't care learning: to be better fighting: with sleep deceiving: everyone playing: with fire
I read. I write. I talk. I walk. I eat. I sneeze. All of these things I do and life goes on day by day. This week I was struck. When your view of someone is so shattered. And not just...it's from the one person who you never saw it coming. And here we are so utterly saddened and that one person that you want to talk to about this doesn't even exist any more.
This is that point. That point of no return. Anger turns to sadness and bitterness and you're not as young as you once were so you know that people just don't bounce back from these things. Someone alters on a fundamental level and it's pitifully despairing but there can be no turnaround from that sort of change. This is not your first trip to the rodeo. You tell yourself you won't be put through such harm again - when the what your searching for is no long tangible. Grasping at straws.
But not to worry. Things will get better.
Or yet, your body will grow to forget and the sting will lessen...some what. And these dark skies you see surrounding you will part and sun will shine in once more. Until then there are a few things to do. Life becomes like that - a set of tasks, one after the other, in an attempt to overrun the noise of it all. Once you stop running the waves will catch up to you and crash down.
This is the saddest of all stories.
That knowledge of what has been lost - it pounds.
And just knowing that it's lost you forever - like looking at the stars in the sky, seeming so close at hand but thousands of light years out of reach. A never ending display of beauty.
I have a lot to write about. Too much! And this is one of those times that I have been holding back. I want to write everyday about this but I need some advice first - so I am patiently waiting for this evening when I will get to skype my best friend and let every single thing fall out of my mouth that needs saying.
This is not a bad thing, but I don't know if it's a good thing either. CRAP.
In other news we are getting new furniture on our floor at work this weekend and I will be moving to my own corner office instead which is intimidating as all hell and I need a donut.